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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  Thanks for the thoughtful responses.  I have been talking to my therapist for years about this problem.  She is all about STOP doing nice things for her and not to let her treat me poorly.  My daughter tells me I give her anxiety when I approach the subject.  She is coming home later this month and I am honestly don't want to be around her.  I think my next approach is going to be to tell her I am not responsible for her happiness, nor she mine.  At the same time, I will permit her to treat me poorly.  I have suggested that she get help.....she will not.  It's her journey.
I have to let go of thinking  that I need to suck it up because I don't want to damage our future relationship!
I really thought I was a good parent.....not so much![/quote]

My DD ???  I just had a reveal this summer.  I don't care anymore!   I do regret spending so much time of my life on THEM and should have traveled to see friends etc.  I tried but it didn't work out.  Not even worth stressing myself out anymore.

When DD has her own home-apt, house, etc I would visit as a dinner guest but never hang out.  Stay in hotel if out of the area and visit if there ever is a grandchild.  Wedding and family involvement?  Wear a wonderful little black dress I already own and show up for the event.  [/quote]

You could be my mom--here's my reveal--I've always known that you don't care. You have poisoned my life and your disregard for me is apparent to everyone. It says much more about you than it does about me.[/quote]

Same here. I could always tell she did not love me and now I know for sure. But the truth is she can't love at all, so my siblings who are still in her life will never be able to grow up -- they have to be the person she wants them to be so they can get her "fake-love." They are emotionally and psychologically stunted, malformed adults. I never would have come into my own if she had treated me any better than she did because I would have been scrambling for her "love" too.

PP, I read somewhere that there was a study done on teen girls who had bad relationships with their mothers and tracked how they turned out. The ones whose mothers flat out said "I don't love you" did much better as adults than the ones whose mothers faked it. They were able to accept the truth, heal and move on. Good luck to you. You are not the only one.[/quote]

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