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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My traditional Asian upbringing is coming out, but there's nothing wrong with telegraphing to a child that they're not "good enough." It helps them up their game. It obviously doesn't make them more intelligent, but it makes them work that much harder until they get the top grades, awards etc. Asian countries are built on this model. Before you say that those parents don't love their kids -- the view is that it's a tough world out there, if we demand their best and toughen them up, nothing that they face after this will be hard for them.[/quote]

Have you heard of Carl Rogers and unconditional positive regard? This is the foundation of therapy: unconditional positive regard. It's what a child needs most from a parent, and the lack of it is a real problem.[/quote]

but i find it tiring to say "great job" constantly when it isn't...[/quote]

There's a vast ocean between telling your child through word and deed that they aren't good enough and bolstering self esteem through ridiculous praise.  Both leave kids underachieving -- either in school or later in life.

Demands excellence must be tempered with reality. A person only works harder when deep down in your soul there's a small little voice that you are good enough, and actually can work to achieve more.

To the OP - my son won't be getting the elite education of his parents, either.  Kills me sometimes, but that really is about him and not me. [/quote]

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