Reply to Do you get envious of women in happy marriages?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been jealous in the past, and totally empathize with people who are sad or lonely in their marriages.  It is way less lonely to sit on a couch alone every night, than it is to sit next to someone on the same couch that is totally disconnected from you.  I'd rather just enjoy the solitude of being alone than trying to connect with someone a million miles away.

I got engaged, started planning my wedding, then started to have reservations.  Then I found out I was pregnant.

We decided to go through with the pregnancy, moved our wedding way up, and started our "life". Everything felt like it was on hyperdrive, and I was constantly mentally trying to S-L-O-W it all down, felt so overwhelmed, and was miserable for a long time in my marriage.  Honestly, if it hadn't been for my DC, I would have walked my ass out the door without a backward glanceX10 everyday of our first 2 years of marriage.  For the next 3 or so, I cannot say that I ever felt close to my DH or happy with my marriage.  We still are so different in many ways.  None of our issues stemmed from violent behavior, substance abuse, or emotional cruelty (those are true deal breakers and should be for everyone).   But we were like angry, resentful ships in the night, and I thought we could never be happy. I was truly in a miserable, loveless, sexless (I'm talking at least a year between sex at times) marriage.

But i can truly say that i am very happy and fulfilled in my marriage today.  We actually decided to have another DC after 6 years together, which most of the beginning of our marriage I would have bet was an impossibility.  My DH makes me laugh everyday, I am happy to be his wife now, and I seriously love having our family.  That doesn't mean he doesn't annoy the crap out of me at times too, but if we were able to weather the initial handful of years, I kind of feel like the rest becomes easier.  I don't recommend this for everyone or anyone, because who knows what will happen.  I only say all this to offer hope to people that still want to find love with their spouse (which I had almost zero interest in most of the time).

So what's my point?  It's that I think it's rare for anyone to have a fully happy marriage from day one to the end.  Everyone hits hideous rough patches.  And you can truly find happiness in marriages that have been horribly unhappy at times.

[/quote]

I have a very similar story. Fell in love, became engaged, unexpectedly pregnant then EVERYTHING in the relationship went wrong. We both became monsters and ended the engagement. That being said we both did want to keep the baby and co-parent. When I was 5 mo pregnant we decided to move in together temporarily for the baby. We got back together, married, but were very rocky and resentful of each other for 3 years. We both were in absolute agreement that we were just a bad match for each other but continued forward for our LO's sake.

At some point between 4 and 5 years of marriage something just clicked. We were back to the levels of compatibility & happiness that we hadn't experienced since before we became engaged. We're madly in love now and have the relationship that many of you envy. Never would have expected this outcome 5 years ago.

Now that our LO is 6, we're considering having another. [/quote]

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