Reply to WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email

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Reply to "WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sexless PP here.  Here’s my take.

I am not the type of guy who chases pvssy, and my DW knows that.  If I stray, I am 100% at fault for banging someone else.  Absolutely.  Am I solely at fault because my marriage deteriorated to the point that I felt that I needed to stray to get my needs met (especially when I was vocal about those needs)?  We can argue back and forth all day on that.   So….in order to get back in good standing (and rebuild trust) in a marriage that I was unfulfilled in, I need to give DW even more power than she had when she decided that we would be darn near celibate?  I will readily admit that I messed up and I will give my reasons why.  If she wants to work it out, we can seek counseling and determine the best way to do it.  But I am not going to be a prisoner in my own house and my own marriage.  Now, [b]if my DW wanted us BOTH to give up access to passwords as part of a new marital open book policy, then that might work.[/b]  I am not going to kowtow to her demands to rebuild something that most of you are saying cannot be totally rebuilt. 
[/quote]

Wait, this doesn't make any sense.  Why would DW give you access to her email?  In your hypothetical, she didn't violate your trust.  Why would she need to show you that she can be trusted?  As you described it, her issue was unilaterally imposed celibacy.  Her concession should be related to that -- going to a sex therapist, making an effort, etc.[/quote]

Because I do not think you can ever hope to recover your marriage if the spouses are subject to a different set of rules.  I am not 12YO and my DW is not my mother.  I am not going to agree to unilateral monitoring.  If she wants to see my emails and texts - fine.  But then here are acceible to me.  If I need to call when I leave work so she can calculate ETA - great.  I expect the same from her.  [/quote]

You are just creating a diversion. The wife in this scenario didn't cheat on anybody, so she doesn't need to engage in any trust-building exercises. You wouldn't be getting her passwords because you actually believed she might be cheating on you; you'd just be doing that out of spite.

If you truly believed in the same set of rules, you'd encourage and allow your wife to have an affair of the same duration and intensity and THEN swap passwords and try to build trust.[/quote]

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