Reply to If you had one piece of advice to give to YOUR middle school girl...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me.  I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt.  Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me.  As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.[/quote]

I think that the difference between being kind and being nice is an important thing to talk about, especially for middle school girls, but not only for middle school girls.[/quote]

Oh I love this one.  Wish I'd learned it earlier myself!  [/quote]

If you are going to use this you better explain this well.  I'm not sure that I truly understand the difference.[/quote]

Women are socialized to be nice. Smile, don't argue, don't disagree, don't say no, don't say things somebody might not want to hear, don't do things that might make other people feel bad, don't complain, don't speak up, don't stand up for yourself, don't rock the boat.

Kind, on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing unkind about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel.[/quote]

You are just making it appear as if they are somehow different but nice and kind are the same thing.

For example "[b]Nice[/b], on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing [b]not nice[/b] about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel"

See how that works?

Giving this advice to middle school girls isn't going to work because the difference is in your personal perception but no in the reality that there are too truly distinct definitions.

It's better to offer concrete advice on how to actually say "no" in a peer pressure environment, the actual words and tone to use to disagree with an adult, etc.

Trying to offer middle school girls lofty ideals and visions doesn't work.  Offering real, concrete examples does.[/quote]

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