Be nice to everyone. No good comes of making enemies. and at all costs AVOID GOSSIP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me. I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt. Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me. As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.

I think that the difference between being kind and being nice is an important thing to talk about, especially for middle school girls, but not only for middle school girls.

Oh I love this one. Wish I'd learned it earlier myself!

If you are going to use this you better explain this well. I'm not sure that I truly understand the difference.

Women are socialized to be nice. Smile, don't argue, don't disagree, don't say no, don't say things somebody might not want to hear, don't do things that might make other people feel bad, don't complain, don't speak up, don't stand up for yourself, don't rock the boat.

Kind, on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing unkind about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel.

You are just making it appear as if they are somehow different but nice and kind are the same thing.

For example "Nice, on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing not nice about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel"

See how that works?

Giving this advice to middle school girls isn't going to work because the difference is in your personal perception but no in the reality that there are too truly distinct definitions.

It's better to offer concrete advice on how to actually say "no" in a peer pressure environment, the actual words and tone to use to disagree with an adult, etc.

Trying to offer middle school girls lofty ideals and visions doesn't work. Offering real, concrete examples does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me. I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt. Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me. As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.

I think that the difference between being kind and being nice is an important thing to talk about, especially for middle school girls, but not only for middle school girls.

Oh I love this one. Wish I'd learned it earlier myself!

If you are going to use this you better explain this well. I'm not sure that I truly understand the difference.

Women are socialized to be nice. Smile, don't argue, don't disagree, don't say no, don't say things somebody might not want to hear, don't do things that might make other people feel bad, don't complain, don't speak up, don't stand up for yourself, don't rock the boat.

Kind, on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing unkind about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel.

Thank you for this!

I'm the PP was referring to when she said she had trouble with my advice. She made a great point. Your distinction between "nice" and "kind" really clarified things for me. Very helpful!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Make bold moves. Think about what kind of woman you'd like to be and build a path to her.

Do not wear yourself cheaply. Hooking up is not third-wave feminism. You are amazing; never, ever lose sight of that.

I love this: "Hooking up is not third-wave feminism." Probably more apt for high school and college girls, since I hope 11 year olds aren't hooking up, but perfect.

You know what is third-wave feminism, though? Thinking that people's value does not depend on how many people they have sex with, and under what circumstances they have sex with them.

Sorry but girls AND guys who sleep around are nasty.

If you are being bullied, tell someone. A teacher, a counselor, your parents. They can help. Don't keep it a secret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Make bold moves. Think about what kind of woman you'd like to be and build a path to her.

Do not wear yourself cheaply. Hooking up is not third-wave feminism. You are amazing; never, ever lose sight of that.

I love this: "Hooking up is not third-wave feminism." Probably more apt for high school and college girls, since I hope 11 year olds aren't hooking up, but perfect.

You know what is third-wave feminism, though? Thinking that people's value does not depend on how many people they have sex with, and under what circumstances they have sex with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me. I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt. Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me. As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.

I think that the difference between being kind and being nice is an important thing to talk about, especially for middle school girls, but not only for middle school girls.

Oh I love this one. Wish I'd learned it earlier myself!

If you are going to use this you better explain this well. I'm not sure that I truly understand the difference.

Women are socialized to be nice. Smile, don't argue, don't disagree, don't say no, don't say things somebody might not want to hear, don't do things that might make other people feel bad, don't complain, don't speak up, don't stand up for yourself, don't rock the boat.

Kind, on the other hand, is not being cruel, or not being mean. There's nothing unkind about saying no, or disagreeing, or arguing, or speak up, or standing up for yourself, or rocking the boat -- as long as you're not doing it to be cruel.

^^ you will fail in being somebody else!

Be sure of who YOU are. Be the best at being YOU, especially those things that are your strengths. Don't try to be somebody else, whether you're told to be by classmates, teachers, parents or other adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me. I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt. Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me. As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.

I think that the difference between being kind and being nice is an important thing to talk about, especially for middle school girls, but not only for middle school girls.

Oh I love this one. Wish I'd learned it earlier myself!

The book Wonder is a great book about middle school. In some of the author's interviews on NPR she talks about the differences between being nice and being kind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon your friends will seem more important to you than your parents and that is okay. But your parents will be the only ones that will have your back for the rest of your life. So when you are feeling like crap and need to talk, remember that they were once in middle school too.

Love this!

Thanks

1. Learn as much as you can about everything and anything.

2. If you get a gut feeling something isn't right, trust it.

3. If you don't feel comfortable with someone, there is always a good reason for it.

Aim higher. Don't listen to any adults, you know yourself better than they do.

Anonymous wrote: Stay involved in a sport/activity/hobby that you really like and try and do your best and excel.

This is great advice for both girls and boys. It's protective and enriching in so many ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Make bold moves. Think about what kind of woman you'd like to be and build a path to her.

Do not wear yourself cheaply. Hooking up is not third-wave feminism. You are amazing; never, ever lose sight of that.

I love this: "Hooking up is not third-wave feminism." Probably more apt for high school and college girls, since I hope 11 year olds aren't hooking up, but perfect.