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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?[/quote]

That's easy.

OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit.  OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.[/quote]

so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.

I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.[/quote]

OP is AT BEST extremely immature.  When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin.  "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.

Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.[/quote]

NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.

Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way. [/quote]

+1[/quote]
I guess you didn't read OP's post. In it her expectations are wayyyy far removed from normal. Did you read all that shit her brother used to do for her. That's stuff my DH does for me. Geez...if her expectations didn't sound so wacky, maybe people would have more sympathy. 
What pp posted about is not the same thing -- AT ALL![/quote][/quote]

(Let me try that again)

OP had a surrogate husband. Now she's throwing a huge, jealous hissy fit because her brother got a life and a relationship of his own.

[/quote]

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