Anonymous
03/04/2014 14:40
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.
Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way.
+1
I guess you didn't read OP's post. In it her expectations are wayyyy far removed from normal. Did you read all that shit her brother used to do for her. That's stuff my DH does for me. Geez...if her expectations didn't sound so wacky, maybe people would have more sympathy.
What pp posted about is not the same thing -- AT ALL!
(Let me try that again)
+1
OP had a surrogate husband. Now she's throwing a huge, jealous hissy fit because her brother got a life and a relationship of his own.
Anonymous
03/04/2014 14:39
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.
Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way.
+1
OP had a surrogate husband. Now she's throwing a huge, jealous hissy fit because her brother got a life and a relationship of his own.
+1
I guess you didn't read OP's post. In it her expectations are wayyyy far removed from normal. Did you read all that shit her brother used to do for her. That's stuff my DH does for me. Geez...if her expectations didn't sound so wacky, maybe people would have more sympathy.
What pp posted about is not the same thing -- AT ALL!
Anonymous
03/04/2014 13:47
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.
Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way.
+1
I guess you didn't read OP's post. In it her expectations are wayyyy far removed from normal. Did you read all that shit her brother used to do for her. That's stuff my DH does for me. Geez...if her expectations didn't sound so wacky, maybe people would have more sympathy.
What pp posted about is not the same thing -- AT ALL!
Anonymous
03/04/2014 13:33
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Baring some kind of abusive situation in which the SIL is limiting brother's contact with any one outside the family or SIL is verbally abusive and hostile to her husband's family when they do get together . . . I think it's overly dramatic to describe the reduction in time and attention you get from your newly married sibling as a "loss." You "lose" some one when they die. Unless the SIL has created such a rift that you now aren't allowed to see him, even on holidays, then you're the one with the problem grieving the phantom "loss" of your brother. He's still there, he's still a free man (if not trapped in an abusive relationship) and he's the one choosing to prioritize the marriage he freely, lovingly joined and the child he's welcomed into this world. You should be happy for him. Be a good sister and support him in adulthood.
And yes, I have watched loved ones, relatives, get cut out of the family due to a controlling abusive spouse. When that actually does happen in a family, it looks nothing like what OP has described. The fact that her brother is allowed to attend holidays and OP can still visit but just has to call first means she still has her brother.
And yes, I have watched loved ones, relatives, get cut out of the family due to a controlling abusive spouse. When that actually does happen in a family, it looks nothing like what OP has described. The fact that her brother is allowed to attend holidays and OP can still visit but just has to call first means she still has her brother.
Anonymous
03/04/2014 13:21
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.
Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way.
+1
Anonymous
03/04/2014 13:19
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
NP here. No one's saying that sibling will be spending more time with his new nuclear family - of course he is! That's normal and natural and should be the way it is. But I've lost a brother pretty much completely, because he needs permission from his wife to visit, or go for brunch. Or meet for dinner. Or bring their kids over. It's bizarre. We're normal, pretty easy-going and mellow people, we don't need to hang out with our "original" family all the time. But if we're in the same area, getting together once in a while is what normal loved ones do. Personally, I would consider it a bad sign for DH to abandon his original family just because he gets married. That would be a red flag. Shifting priorities is one thing, but severe restriction is another.
Maybe you haven't been in the position, but I kind of sympathize with OP. But I have a very controlling SIL, that is so out of the range of normal for everyone in our extended family. Marriage should change you for the better. In bro's case, it's changed him significantly - and not in a good way.
Anonymous
03/04/2014 13:06
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Nope. Anyone here who said OP is has no right to be upset has never lost a brother to marriage.
She said that he no longer spends time with her children and won't let her spend time with his children. She said he no longer sends her kids cards. Cards! If she's unreasonable, fine, I can see him distancing himself from her. But her kids? No. Something is way off. And I'm not buying that it's sex. If so, then it IS the sil who's in the wrong.
She said that he no longer spends time with her children and won't let her spend time with his children. She said he no longer sends her kids cards. Cards! If she's unreasonable, fine, I can see him distancing himself from her. But her kids? No. Something is way off. And I'm not buying that it's sex. If so, then it IS the sil who's in the wrong.
Anonymous
03/04/2014 09:08
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
OP is AT BEST extremely immature. When a sib marries and has kids, they are forming a new nuclear family. They are going to spend less time with their family of origin. "When a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, then the two shall be as one" and all that.
Being unhappy for her brother and whining because her brother has gone on to have a happy marriage and being jealous and critical of his wife is a step beyond immature in my book, and is getting down to vicious.
Anonymous
03/03/2014 19:37
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
so, brothers will treat their former crap family like crap once sex is no the table. got it. but what about former family that was actually pretty cool? that's the instance here.
I'm not op. All I got from her post was that she was upset that her relationship with her brother has been altered. so she's upset. I think it's fair that she can be upset, so she's venting here. she has not said that she treated the sil badly. she has not said that she expects her brother to continue babysitting for free. in fact, she mentioned babysitting-swapping. the fury to the op escalated based on other people's poor relationships, not on what op said. give her a break.
Anonymous
03/03/2014 19:09
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:What makes a formerly friendly brother suddenly distant with no explanation? Does his wife (the sil) force him not to explain the sudden change in behavior? Why? And how could he do so without knowing how it hurts those who love him? And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
That's easy.
OP/sister is a controlling bitch who was accustomed to using him for free child care services and now the new SIL has put an end to this convenient arrangement and OP doesn't like it one little bit. OP's obvious hostility to the SIL probably screams out loud and clear in person and sil doesn't like it so she is minimizing the brother's time with OP, and of course, since Sil plays the "v" card OP has nothing with which she can compete for the brother's attention.
Anonymous
03/03/2014 19:06
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. Before my brother met her, he would come over all the time, babysit for me, play with my daughters, take us to lunch, call at least two-three times a week, then he meets her, gets married, and bam, we never see him anymore. He only calls maybe once a week, never comes over, and doesn't bring his daughter over, claiming they are "too busy." The last two years have been so incredibly crushing losing this relationship. I have no relationship with my neice either- for they are always doing stuff with SIL's sisters. She wants "boundaries", which my family thinks is outrageous. No one should have to call to see family.
Well...you do realize that your SIL is bringing sex to the table for your brother, right?
So, he can do what she wants and get the sex, or do what you want, and not get so much sex. So what do you think he is going to do?
Now please don't play dumb on this, your a woman, you're married to a man, I think you understand, and actually, you're jealous.
Anonymous
03/03/2014 06:37
Subject: Re:SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:And how can the sil sit back and let this happen to her children's grandparents/aunts/uncles?
It's not the SIL's job to nuture relationships with her ILs. I don't have any ill will towards my ILs but I'm not close to them. I'm not interested in being the POC for their family things. If DH wants to do something with them, he can put it on the calendar and we'll do it. Given my family history, I think 'blood' is way overrated and instead have close relationships with 'non-blood'. I know not everyone is the same but my perspective is equally valid.
Seriously? Grow up!
Anonymous
03/02/2014 22:32
Subject: Re:SIL ruining relationship with brother
Anonymous wrote:You know what? My DH's friends say the same thing about me. I "ruined their relationship with DH." The truth is that they were a pack of assholes who didn't treat DH very nicely. I treat him a lot better. He would rather spend time with me. He stopped spending so much time with them because they were jerks and he had someone better to spend time with (me!).
You might want to take a look in the mirror, OP.
+10000
My DH went through the same thing. There is no covering up there awfulness anymore. The truth can be rather disgusting.
Anonymous
03/02/2014 16:34
Subject: SIL ruining relationship with brother
BS. My SIL's (DH's sisters) were one extreme and never accepted me, because they clearly did not want another woman in the family. I could not be more different than them in every way. Instead of seeing that as a bonus and a positive; they decided, rather arbitrarily, that it was a negative. Most would call them insecure, and MIL is the same.
My SIL (brother's wife) was a spoiled PITA only child, that knew my brother was her best chance at a wonderful life, as she was not self sufficient.
The maybe its yous can shove it, sometimes people are not receptive and are not familiar with "nice".
My SIL (brother's wife) was a spoiled PITA only child, that knew my brother was her best chance at a wonderful life, as she was not self sufficient.
The maybe its yous can shove it, sometimes people are not receptive and are not familiar with "nice".
Anonymous
03/02/2014 16:06
Subject: Re:SIL ruining relationship with brother
You know what? My DH's friends say the same thing about me. I "ruined their relationship with DH." The truth is that they were a pack of assholes who didn't treat DH very nicely. I treat him a lot better. He would rather spend time with me. He stopped spending so much time with them because they were jerks and he had someone better to spend time with (me!).
You might want to take a look in the mirror, OP.
You might want to take a look in the mirror, OP.