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[quote=Anonymous]OP here - I am sort of upset about the "coffee date" because it happened during the 3 week gov't furlough so now thinking back on it, they hadn't been able to see each other because he was not going into work in the city.

More info: I figured out how to get the last few months phone records and sure enough, her phone number was all over his Jan. bill.  He kept telling me he only talked to her a lot in Feb and only after attending our first counseling session; that he happened to run into her at a restaurant.  The Jan. phone bills show that he talked to her a lot in Jan - including several times the week before he told me he was unhappy and twice the night before he told me he was unhappy and two night after that..when he told me he was going to the store and to take a "walk."  I have confronted him again...All of this info has come out in little dribbles.  He has finally aplogized and agreed to stop contacting her.
But, and here is the sort of nutty thing I did - when I obtained this phone records this morning, I noticed an unfamilar cell phone on there and obviously deduced it was her number, so I called it from our home phone.  I couldn't help myself.  I needed to know.  I am a type A personality.  She said "Hi!" and I said, "Who is this?" and then she froze up and said nothing and she said who are you?  I said, this is me, Mary Smith, James' wife and I think that this number is Jane Doe.  And she was like, why are you calling?? And I said, I am calling because your phone number is all over my DH's cell phone bill.  And I politely told her that she needed to stop contacting my DH.  I said to her that DH had agreed to this and I said  - I am reaching out to you woman to woman...I have been married to him for 15 years and we have three kids.  He can't be having a relationship with you..She claimed they were talking about a neutral subject and I said, DH has admitted to talking to you about our marriage and that is not appropriate.  IT went on and on.  I did not yell.  I was sort of quiet and cried a little.  She was extremely defensive and kep telling me she could't talk anymore and my relationship wth DH was something I needed to talk to him about and I told her well, I am talking to you and telling you to please leave him alone.  [/quote]

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