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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm the quoted poster, and also the one directly below who recommended the Women's Center (please, please get in touch with them - PLEASE).

I know first hand the slow process of getting back on your feet and how hard it is. I wanted to respond to your points one at a time, since you're reading here at least.

1. What does your support network look like generally? Do you have family in the area? Close friends? Do those people know the state of your relationship with your child's father? Are any of those people able to help with your child when you get stuck at work?
2. Were you married? Is there a legal document that spells out custody and obligations? My separation agreement, for example, says that if we want to change the agreement and can't agree on how to do that, we have to see a mediator for a set number of sessions (which we pay for proportional to income) before we can go to court. The document is attached to our divorce decree. I suppose he could TRY to go to court before going to the mediator, but it would be a waste of his time.
3. Why are you so afraid of his temper? Do you believe that he is dangerous? Has he ever been physically abusive?

It is hard to recognize how unhealthy long-established behavior patterns are sometimes when you're in them. In my experience, the more unhealthy the behavior, the less easy it is to accept and admit how unhealthy it is. Hang in there. [/quote]

I have friends in the area, but no family and no close friends. If I need help now, it's him or his mother.  There are a couple of parents in my child's circle that I'm friends with, but they don't know about the situation. They could probably help with pickup if they're available. Only a few friends know that the ex is a real pain. They don't know the extent of it. My close friends and family know.

Our agreement says we have to go back to court to make changes. It doesn't say anything about mediation.

I'm afraid of his temper because I know the drama that follows it. Dealing with him when he's like that is unbelievably stressful. I lose sleep. I can't focus at work. It makes everything difficult because I know he is going to find a way to push my buttons. That button is usually a custody dispute, or support related. He can't legally take her from me, but he can spend a lot of money to make things difficult and expensive.

I handed him all this control. It's of my own doing. [/quote]

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