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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It completely depends on what "pushing" means. So far on this thread, "pushing" has been defined as extreme Tiger Mom yelling and screaming. This has been contrasted with its polar opposite, a completely "hands off" approach because either "my DD is innately motivated" or "[b]I want to be friends with my kid[/b]." Painting these extremes is stupid and unhelpful!

If by "pushing" you mean yelling and punishing, this doesn't work. There are apparently studies to show this. Your kid will not internalize study habits and a love of learning. In the worst case, at some point your kid will dig in and refuse to work hard.

If by "pushing" you mean setting expectations, setting rules (no electronics after a certain hour except for maybe a 1/2 break at 8:00) and earning privileges (if you get a certain grade on the math test or a certain GPA you get to do sports, or a sleepover on Friday, or your learner's permit) then yes, some kids need this. I know what you're thinking, and this bribery isn't going to motivate your kid to love Algebra. But it's simply not optional to bug out on Algebra. More importantly, with repetition and practice of study habits and skills he will internalize these study habits and skills, which are important for success in life beyond Algebra.

FWIW, my older kid, a girl, was innately driven and is now at a college that accepts 7% of applicants. DC#2, a boy, is very bright but lacks drive. It's funny most of the unmotivated kids talked about here are boys, but I'm no expert and this certainly falls short of a valid survey (I'm in research, like smug racist  dad at 6:29 with the - surprise- motivated DD). [/quote]

Yeah, I'm the one that started the criticism of "wanting to be friends" - you are dead on about what happened with this thread, since I didn't say "friends" but rather "not hate."  Very nice post.

And the note about the boys: you bet.  My belief is that some of the "motivation problem" is that we are asking for more attention to detail than many children can handle, disproportionately boys.  Yes, my kid is unorganized, but it doesn't help that he  has to check a thousand different places every week to figure out what's what and that blackboard gets updated whenever the teachers feel like it.[/quote]

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