Reply to What do you think about letting 17 yr old hang out alone in his room with his girlfriend?

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Reply to "What do you think about letting 17 yr old hang out alone in his room with his girlfriend?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I completely disagree that he needs privacy in your house, for the purpose of sex.  He wants it, but that didn't mean he needs it.  I think privacy for having sex is something that is earned in adulthood through getting into college or getting your own apartment.  It's one of the privileges of adulthood, not a right of childhood.

I absolutely would not allow it in my house.  Seriously, if they haw sex in a car, well, that's part of being a teenager.  My job as a parent is not to provide a place to have sex.  I don't think my 17 should be having sex -- it's just not respectful or intimate or cool to fuck someone in your parents' house with your door shut and your parent there.  Shoot, I wouldn't even have sex as an adult with my parents in another room!  Teens can wait to be alone and intimate.  And sometimes alone means in the car.[/quote]

What about privacy to kiss/make-out?[/quote]

Good question.  In general, I don't think it's my responsibility to provide that.  But if my kid is watching a movie with his girlfriend and he's kissing her in the family room while I walk in, I don't have a problem with that.  But I'm not going to provide a closed door so he could get under her shirt.  It's not that I think that he won't be getting under her shirt at some point; it's just not my place to facilitate that in my home.  (Similarly, I think that would be strange behavior of a 25 year old visiting.)

A pp above said he/she didn't think I'd ever have an open talk with my son about sex.  But we do.  I'm pretty blunt about this stuff.  I think sex is a privilege of responsible adulthood.  Some mature teenagers have good, healthy sex lives.  Most do not.  I think that sex with someone you love should happen in privacy, safety, and intimacy, and when both partners are fully consenting and able to cope with any consequences of sex such as unplanned pregnancy.  That privacy he will have to earn by getting his own dorm room or apartment.  We talk really openly about a lot of stuff, including all the other things he could choose to do with a partner other than PIV sex.  We have a great book for teenagers called something like the "a guide to Getting It On" which is both very frank about physical stuff and very good about emotional, relationship, and consent issues, too, and I know he's read at least parts of it.

I do agree with pp's about the need for privacy within a relationship.  I talk to my son about condoms but not about whether his girlfriend is a virgin or the details of what they do and don't do...sometimes he has volunteered some information and I have gently reminded them this intimate details should really be between them unless she's consented to him discussing them with me.

I don't think it's a double standard that I'll talk to him about sex but not facilitate him having sex in my house.  He needs to know about sex and have a trusted adult to advise and guide him as he makes decisions about sex.  He doesn't need me to provide a convenient place for him to have sex.  [/quote]

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