Reply to DS slamming doors because no screentime on weekdays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  All true.  He apologized for slamming doors and is using his three hours of non-school-day screentime this morning but I am as confounded as ever.

I am caught between two ideas and struggling to know which is the right course.  We have always had restrictions (3 hours screentime on weekends/summer days and 1 hour when homework done.)  With these restrictions at least he mostly did the homework so it seemed to help him succeed.

OTOH, it could be that the restrictions are conditioning him (Pavlovian-style) to want only the video games and nothing else.  In which case we should remove all restrictions and let him find his own mojo to succeed.  He is 14, after all.

The intermediate course that was suggested: base it on grades, seems like an appropriate compromise, but no.  If we based screentime freedom on his getting good grades, that would put us quickly back in the restrictive zone (he is smart but experience has shown he will not do the homework).

DH and I have been worrying over this quandary for YEARS.  DH believes in the restrictions, I support the freedom.  I rue the day we got a toddler a Gameboy, but now the damage is done and I don't know what is the right course.  Are there any studies on this phenomenon?[/quote]

Wow.  Three hours of screen time a day is a LOT.  Our kids have no screen time during the week.  Period.  Whether homework is done or not.  If they are done with homework, they can read a book, play with something, or interact with another family member.  Even on the weekend they only get 1 hour a day (if homework is done).   Three hours of screen time a day means that you really don't know what to do with yourself when you can't watch tv or play on the computer.

BTW, your child is just testing you.  He made a deal he doesn't like.  Now he wants to see if his bad temper gets you to re-negotiate.  It's up to you what you want to teach him -- a deal once made can be broken, showing a temper achieves a goal, etc.

Does your child do any sports?  Life requires balance.  Some computer is OK.  All kids should learn to nurture different interests -- books, computer, music, art, sports and school. [/quote]

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