Reply to In a pickle over daughter and ivy college choice....am I overthinking this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lets say I have good reason to believe she will get in. I will not elaborate but she is #1 in her class amongst some other recognizable accomplishments. I do not boast by saying this (do not intend to) but am saying it because I have good reason to think she will get in. Her friend already has "dibs" on special housing and of course if my d gets in she wants her to room with her and why wouldn't she...it is heads and shoulders above the regular housing, and that is just the beginning of what I fear might be a long long road of wealth worship and status mongering,etc.....maybe not, maybe she will surprise me and turn off to it but she is only 17 after all and her friend and her trappings seem to have a hold on her. It IS a legitimate concern, this I know...but the question is do I bite my lip and let her proceed?[/quote]

[b]Yes, you do bite your lip and let her proceed[/b].  I really resented my mother's interference with my college applications (in her case she didn't want me going more than an hour away from home and pressured me to go to a nearby school, telling everyone that I was going to attend it).  Luckily I got my dad on my side and felt empowered  to apply to the schools that interested me more. I ended up going to an ivy League school (14 hour drive away) on nearly full scholarship, no thanks to any help or encouragement from my mother (she never even congratulated me).  Btw we were on the lower socio-economic end too. At college I had plenty of friends who were not filthy rich, and also some that were.  [b]Let your daughter become an adult on her own terms.[/b]  It will be better for your relationship in the long run -- believe me on this. You can't live her life for her.  If you've instilled enough of your values in her she will come to question some of the things that also bother you about high end living.  Or not.  But then again she'll be an adult and you can't control her life at that point.  Take her around to the colleges she's interested in and let her make her own decision (as long as they're affordable).[/quote]

I just don't understand the helicopter parenting that goes on these days.  Is it unique to this area?  My parents were not involved in my application and decision process for college - I don't think they even read my essays - beyond discussing how it would be paid for.  But guess what, I believe I even filled out the FAFSA without their help.  And this was in the day it was all done on paper.  People need to let their children grow up!

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