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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP:

The following is spot-on...to the author: You are insightful and right!!

You are allowed to eat candy.  It's okay, it really is.  
You are allowed to put the milk wherever you want in the refrigerator.
You are allowed to cut the bread wherever you feel like cutting the bread.
You are allowed to wear whatever dress you like to wear.
You are allowed to keep whatever gifts you like and display them.
If your husband sees crumbs, he should sweep them up.  
You are allowed to skip washing the sink whenever you have other things to do.

You are no more flawed than any other normal, decent person.

Your husband is a control freak and is emotionally abusing you.  He is torturing you in hundreds of small ways every day.  He fails to see that you are not an extension of him. He does not recognize that you are a fully sentient, independent human being who has as much right to be comfortable in her own home as he does.

It will NOT get better unless he recognizes that he is being abusive.  Read books on emotional abuse -- I think there's one called the Emotionally Abusive Partner, something like that, that is really helpful in recognizing this pattern.  But seriously, this is ALL HIM.

My husband and I both have our quirky irrational preferences for how we like things to be, and we try to accommodate each other's.  But we both recognize them as quirky and irrational, and when our partner does not conform to them, we laugh or shrug it off -- we appreciate when we do conform to each other's, but we don't have expectations that we always will.

Your husband, on the other hand, believes that his irrational quirks are not only RULES ("house rules"?!?!?!) that must be followed, but that you have moral flaws if you do not follow them.  Fuck that.  They are irrational preferences, and you are not flawed if you don't follow them all the time.  He is deeply flawed not only by expecting you to but by abusing you for not doing it.

Please, get help for yourself.  I recommend the Women's Center in Vienna.[/quote][/quote]

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