Reply to Friend does not discipline her child and it's no longer fun hanging out with them -- what to do?

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Reply to "Friend does not discipline her child and it's no longer fun hanging out with them -- what to do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm not sure I understand your question/post.  Are you saying you've already decided to end the friendship and are asking ways to do that?  Or are you looking for ways to salvage the friendship and playdates?

If it's the latter, I can offer some advice - I (like a pp menioned) have a very ADHD boy and I didn't really know how to parent him.  He's smart and stubborn and had low impulse control (kind of sounds like Amy's dd) and I was overwhelmed.  Anyway, when friends would gently correct my kid, I sometimes would pick up on that and follow through the same way but other times, I'd make excuses (like Amy) not really realizing the effect it was having on the other kid/parent.  So, with that background, I can offer you suggestions if you want to try a few more times to keep the playdates and friend.

first, you can talk to Amy, but make it about your ds and your parenting and ask her to help.  Like, the fridge example.  correct Amy's dd, but then say to Amy, "Amy, if it's okay with you, I'd like to give the kids the same rule. It's so hard for [DS] to behave when his friend is doing something he's not allowed to do in front of him.  Would you mind if we told them both that they can't bang the fridge? It would really help me with [DS]."  And with the toys, the same thing, "Amy, I'm trying to teach [DS] about sharing these days.  During this playdate can we have the kids practice sharing instead of grabbing whatever toy they want?  It would really help me with [DS]"

She might look at that as an opportunity to teach her dd about sharing or rules or whatever as well.

If you are looking for ways to end the friendship, I'd try to be as honest as possible while still being polite and with no judgment (it doesn't sound like you're judging anyway).  But again, I'd make it about you and your parenting and kid.  Say something like, "I'd love to get together with you, but it's become really hard on [DS] when I instill my rules on him and [DD] has a different set of rules during the playdate.  At this age, he doesn't get that there's different sets of rules for different kids, so he's often frustrated and sad during/after our playdates. But, if you'd like to get together just us for a drink, I'd love to."

That way, she understands why and if she's committed to the playdate, she might come up with a creative solution.  good luck, OP.  It doesn't sound like your judgy or trying to "fix" your friend, which is really good and will show through your communications - whichever way you decide to go.  [/quote]

PP here (not OP). This is REALLY great advice and super helpful. Thank you![/quote]

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