Reply to Exhausted due to my husband's micromanagement

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[quote=Anonymous] I too am married to such a man and have been  for twenty three years.  I never really paid much attention to this personality of his until the last 4 or five years. It was there but I have always been a very strong woman and just did what I wanted and how I wanted. But looking back at how our life has been, it became very obvious that his personality lent itself towards our three sons.  Now that our sons have grown and left the house all his energy seems to be focused on me . I have my own business and he asks me almost everyday what my day looks like. Then proceeds to tell me how I should plan my day out such as "Maybe you should plan on getting to your shop soon so that you have everything ready for your clients".  In the beginning of this I would just laugh it off and tell him to go micromanage his own business. But after hearing it over and over it gets old to the point where I would get mad at him for feeling that he needs to tell me how to run my business ( I OWN A BEAUTY SALON something he knows nothing about.) And it just goes on from there. I am a freespirit who has a hard time thinking that his way of trying to control everything in life is ok, because it is not. I feel that everyone is an individual and has a mind and spirit and soul all their own, that should be loved  and nurtured. My husband and I have had so many fights and arguements, and all of these have been brought on by his negative manifestations of something that to me means nothing. Basically I look at everything in life with the glass three quarters full. He looks at everything as half empty.  It gets really, really tiresome constantly been told what time to do this or that. He too gets upset if I leave a used napkin or paper towel on the kitchen counter , or a dirty bowl or dish in the sink instead of rinsing it right away and putting it in the dishwasher. No I am not a good housekeeper and never have been, but my home is not filthy it just isn't as meticulous as he would like. I am rarely on time for anything even with my best intention, for whatever reason it happens. I am a forgetful and not well organized person. These are all personality traits of ME. I am also extremely loving and patient and tend to overlook the faults of others and take life as it comes.  I have told my husband that I he looks for something to be wrong and if he didn't, we would never have anything to argue about.  Throughout our marraige he has brought up the divorce word so many times too many to count, but I  feel it is another control thing for him. I have always felt like we should get psycological help and I am sure that someday we will. I completly understand the how you feel becuase this type of husband is this way about everything. If I grow a garden he rides me about how often I should be weeding it .(I have grown a garden all my life and I am nine years older than him.) Any project or thing that I decide to do he always seems to feel the need to micromanage  it. So I have found myself not sharing every aspect of my goings on with him because I don't want to hear what he MIGHT say or think about it. This makes me sad. He has become so negative about everything and the only time he is truly happy is when I meet all his demands and really follow through with all he desires. Of course this doesn't last long because no one should have to work that hard to receive the love and affection they desire from someone who should love them unconditionally. So then he too will walk around like He is sad and unhappy and this just make me sick so then I am offended by this and get mad. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to get  in my car and just drive off and never come back. But then I stop and think to myself ....He isn't a drunk, or a drugaddict. He is not a womanizer or someone that ever goes to bars. He is'nt a wifebeater and he doesn't  scream or yell at me. But how do I deal with this because I can't go though the rest of my life with someone that is critical and controlling and can make me feel bad without even raising his voice. I feel like I am always being forced to fight for me, to hold on an not allow him to break my spirit. It is hard to live with a man like this but there is another side of him that is very loving and I know that he  loves me more than anything. I personally think he feels he has to have control of everything because he fears something. bad will happen.  He often calls me at work checking on me. Thats why I think all of this is because he is insecure but it make  him a big pain in my ass.[/quote]

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