Reply to What do you think you did right to have a close relationship with your adult child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was reactionary when she was small. When she was 8 or so, I saw that was damaging to her, to me, and to our relationship. I apologized sincerely, told her I wouldn’t do that anymore, and changed my behavior. It took a couple of years before she really trusted me, but she does now. [/quote]

I love this because course correcting as a parent is such a great way to build trust and closeness with your child. They see you vulnerable, willing to admit you are wrong, but then also having the maturity to recognize it and make another choice. And there's also this accountability that comes into when you tell a child "I've been doing xyz with you and I can see it's not the right choice, I'm going to do abc now." Because there's an implied promise there, and kids will call you on it if you don't live up to your end of the bargain. This is really powerful for them, to realize that they can hold you accountable for your behavior towards them. That's how real relationships work -- both parties have responsiblities to the other. They don't have to be the same responsibilities (in a parent-child relationships they will almost never be the same or equal) but something like the commitment to treat each other with respect has to be reciprocal.

Anyway, I think it's so cool you did this and really speaks to your maturity as a parent. I bet your daughter respects you so much.[/quote]

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