Reply to Looking for Advice on Building Empathy and Kindness in a Teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Materialism and lack of empathy aren’t the same. I agree that you shouldn’t give her everything she wants - but in order to build empathy, talk with her frequently about how OTHER people might be feeling. Have her do meaningful community service. When you hear her being unkind, call her out immediately. Ask how her friends are doing and listen for signs of empathy/non-empathy and catch it in the moment. Talk about nuanced topics without a clear right or wrong, where both sides have good points, and have her articulate different points of view.[/quote]

In a case like this though, think carefully about the community service you choose. Don't choose something wehre she is simply doing something for someone else in a detached way. You are trying to build empathy, so she needs to understand the others' perspective, be able to feel what they feel, and then actually want to share and ease the burden of others because she has the necessary understanding. Look for something where she is working along side people different from or less advantaged than herself toward a common goal. Look for service organizations that espouse a "nothing about us without us" philosophy or that emphasize the dignity of the serivce recipients (examples, A Wider Circle, Bread for the City, Martha's Table, Red Wiggler Care Farm, A Farm Less Ordinary, Arcadia Farm). Having her work alongside people who have empathy in spades, as people in such organizations usually do, is also helpful.[/quote]

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