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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you have a son, have a non-PhD academic young woman review their essay and supplemental questions. DS is a great writer and enjoys doing it. He liked doing these parts of the application. DD hates writing and hating doing this with a passion. What I noticed was that DDs were much more likely to land well than DS’ app.

DS’ first draft which he thought was perfect was observational, philosophical and persuasive to his statement but was not about himself. He was answering the prompts and questions very academically. I’m sure if the department head was reading them, he would be selected immediately. There was no way this would land with a mid twenties or thirties reader looking at a rubric. His school guidance/college counselor said oh these are lovely. I sent him to his AP English teacher and she told him no way. You have to flip the questions to write about you. DS struggled with this. His next attempt was too beating around the bush, his next attempt he felt sounded arrogant. He finally nailed it. His original was 100% more beautifully written and included deeper analysis. This is the essay to turn in when you are admitted and in class. The final one was far better for the readers. He did very well.

Boys have a harder time writing about themselves, expressing emotion and hitting the right tone. It’s far more likely that a woman will be reading it. As readers spend very little time on each app, nailing tone is very important.[/quote]

I think this is great advice.  My son was not willing to be vulnerable and any type of self promotion sounded to him like showing off, which he hates.  I think it really hurt his otherwise very strong application and he was rejected far more than we anticipated. 
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