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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] The DH needs to NOT be talking to the mom of his 26 YEAR OLD 'child' about the 'child's' plans. That's ridiculous! I coparent and have one minor, and 2 adult kids. The adults (and the 26 is one) make their arrangements with us parents (we do talk regarding the minor of course).

Essentially, we let the adult kids know our plans (ex. I'm planning to serve dinner at 3) and the adult 'child' lets me know if they are coming or not, or if there is any flexibility ('dad's eating at 2, could we eat later? 'sounds good, see you then') .

OP, in your case, I'd just assume the adult dc is coming and ignore the dh and ex. Just step away from their nonsense.

[/quote]

OP here. That's exactly how I thought things would be. I guess knowing I'm not nuts will have to suffice.

Honestly, I wonder if all the folks saying to set a routing have adult kids. What on earth would that look like. We sit at home with no plans if it's not "our week"? We make plans but tell DSS he can't come because it's his mom's week?

At this point, I think the best I can do is keep things as low stress as possible. At some point, maybe soon, DSS will get a serious partner and the more pleasant we make the holiday experience, the more likely we will get time with him. And I have a feeling once there is another person in the mix, DSS will just let us know his plans, and we can work around his schedule![/quote]

I really don't know why you're hoping a girlfriend will solve this for you. It will only make things more complicated because now you'll have to consider an entire other family. Hey, maybe she'll have difficult divorced parents too!

The idea with a routine is you know what to expect. Like, this year you have Thanksgiving and his mom has Christmas. Next year, the opposite. Or you get the first half of the break, the ex gets the second. That's the way I do it with my own parents. So you can travel on the part of the break that you don't have, and you know in advance when it will be. It seems like you're irritated by your DH's tardiness in making plans as much as anything else.

Sorry you dislike your home so much. Most people are fine being at home for some time on the holidays.[/quote]

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