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[quote=Anonymous]If your younger child gets riled up by someone sticking their tongue out at them after they just tantrumed and caused a ruckus it’s an issue with your younger child and you.

It’s a natural consequence of acting poorly. You act poorly and others are going to treat you poorly. The older siblings sees there are zero consequences for the younger child exploding at the entire family and being out of control, yet when the older sibling sticks their tongue out which is so minor you ground them and make this huge deal out it even if you later take it back.

Stop excusing this behavior by saying ADHD and “growing out of it”. Being explosive and having major meltdowns isnt  a symptom of ADHD.

To outsiders hearing your take on things it is truly puzzling why you can’t see how ridiculous it is that you are concentrating on finding fault with your older child instead of explaining to your younger child how their behavior is upsetting to others. And acknowledging out loud to your older child that it is frustrating and upsetting to be in their position so instead of sticking out their tongue please write down how you are feeling so we know what’s going on amd we can help address it or ask to go in a walk or car ride to talk about it.

You spend your time walking on eggshells around younger child and eventually your older child won’t spend much time at home. I have a high school age DD who has a friend in a similar situation. We’ve seen the past 7 years how her parents spend most of their time and money on another sibling.

Over the last couple of years she has been spending more and more time over at our house. In the summer we took her on a one week vacation and one afternoon we told her it was her turn to pick where we go for dinner and the activity afterward. She was speechless and didn’t say anything. We explained we take turns and she’s part of the family vacation so we really wanted her to choose wherever she wanted to go. She did and we all went and had a great time. At the end of the night driving back to the resort she started crying and when she composed herself she said she rarely gets to pick and then when she does the meal/activity is always ruined or changed to appease the sibling.

When we got back my child asked if we could set up another bed in her room for her friend. We did and she now seems to spend most of her time at our house. [/quote]

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