Reply to What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]2 is hard if you have 1 as miserable as people have described on this thread.  Sounds like people are raising monsters, not children.  We have 3 under 4 and yes, it's tiring and time consuming, but no one's running away, they eat the same meal or don't eat that night, they understand we're a family and we love one another so it's a lot of playing together and helping one another.  It's all perspective folks.  Expect them to control your lives and they will.  Keep control of your lives and kids are a wonderful compliment to it.[/quote]

This. Another person with 3 under 4 here. I couldn't have said it better myself.[/quote]

I agree. It is about parenting philosophy and the time you spend teaching your kids how to act. it seesm many of these parents that find it incredibly hard have a child centred parenting philosophy where they just run around after their child reacting to what they are doing, trying to give them what they want to keep them happy. That would be exhausting.

In our house...
Bedtime means bedtime
Stay with mommy means stay with mommy
Don't touch that means don't touch that
I said no means I said no
You need to wait a minute means you need to wait a minute
This is what we are having for dinner means this is what we are having for dinner

It is so much easier. The kids are happy because they have structure and know the expectations and we get to enjoy our time with them because we aren't constantly putting out fires, dealing with power struggles and chasing kids around. I have four in 5 years. One is the most stubborn child you have ever met, another is ADHD and easily distracted and impulsive yet even my two difficult kids have learned how to behave in a respectful and appropriate way. I have never understood the whole child-centred approach, I see it everywhere with parents chasing kids around, calling plaintively to the child to please listen to mommy while the child ignores them and does as they please and mommy has no respect or authority beyond running herself ragged, being owned by her child. They then end up having to deal with tears and screaming and dragging the child away. It is so much more work and so much harder then spending the time early on to teach your kids how to behave and to respect their parents.  [/quote]

You all sound so SMUG. I have the exact same rules, but my kids don't listen much of the time. They are extremely strong-willed, for starters, so it's very difficult to enforce those rules. "Bedtime means bedtime"? How cute. What do you do, duct tape your children into their beds? Some kids fight rules, and some listen. I have fighters, all the way. We're a very child-centered family, and no we don't "run after" our children!! How obnoxious of you to suggest so. Walk a mile in my shoes, and you'll change your tune fast. Some kids are harder to deal with than others. Deal with it, PPs. [/quote]

I provide this for the benefit of those who really do want to figure out how to make their houses run more smoothly and not to sound smug.  I think my kids are generally well-behaved (and I emphasize generally b/c they are after all kids) at least in part because we put in a lot of hard/consistent work in when they were little and reinforce that now (I have no idea how that will pan out as they grow/become teens so I recognize that things change).  And obviously there are extremely difficult kids, but I think most kids are in a normal range of easy going/compliant to strong-willed. And kids also realize what they can get away with, if you let them, they will.  For example, we have friends who have three kids, all very different personalities.  One of their daughters was very challenging as a baby and until 3 or so.  But all of their kids (who are now 10, 7 and 4) are very well-behaved.  How could three totally different kids be that way?  I'm guessing, in large part, because of the parenting.  They used consistent rules. None run away, they go to bed etc.  Compare that with a friend whose son just "refused to go to bed" from the time he was 3.  She said "he just won't".  And she didn't make him.  So from then on (until now, he's 9), he's up past 11.  No, you cannot duct tape your kid to the bed.  But you can, every time they get out, take them back up.  Again and again and again until they get it.  Or use reward charts or incentives. If your kids refuses to eat dinner (which includes at least one thing that you know they like) because they want something else, too bad.  And once they're old enough, you don't like the pot roast (or whatever), you may go make yourself a turkey sandwich.  When it's time to clean up toys, I'll help, but if I do it alone, then they're getting cleaned up into a bag and getting put in storage.  We try to do this all in an age appropriate way (my 7 year old could clean up more than my 2 year old) and to be firm but kind.  And to build fun in when we can (dance party clean up).  We also try to add control for them (dinner, they can pick the veggie or fruit, bedtime you get 10 extra minutes if you're reading).  Just some thoughts. [/quote]

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