Reply to Filled with hatred for STBX and trying to hide it from the kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would love to know the answer to this. Similar situation but we’re not even to the financial part and are stuck on time. DH wants time with the kids but then never actually rearranges his schedule to make it work and doesn’t show up to events he promises to be at. I have to pick up the emotional mess it creates and it’s really hard not to shred him to pieces in front of the kids, [b]but also hard to make excuses for him[/b]. I know the financial stuff will be just plain vile.

I think the hardest part is having to [b]convey to the kids the apologies that their father really should be giving[/b]. I frequently find myself in that position and it is not fair but it feels like one of the parents needs to acknowledge how messed up things are.[/quote]

Don’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to you and it’s got to be confusing for the kids if you’re always making up excuses that are clearly not true.

If your ex tells your kid he’ll be at their soccer game and then doesn’t show up, just acknowledge your child’s disappointment and be their safe space to feel sad. It’s okay to say “I know you really wanted dad to be there and it’s okay to feel sad he missed your game.” Be their safe place to be upset without fanning the flame by talking bad about him. But you also don’t need to create a narrative about how he got stuck at work or got a flat tire or whatever BS excuse.

His relationship with your kids is not yours to manage. You’re here to help them process their feelings and to create the support/stability they need.[/quote]

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