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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Every time my DH and I bicker even the slightest, he resorts to name calling and giving me the middle finger. We will have disagreements about who is dropping the baby at daycare that day, and he’ll end up calling me a psycho and giving me the middle finger.

He is constantly using insults that are specific to women and their mental health: psycho, rage case, hysterical, b*, etc. I have asked him time and time again to stop, especially with the very pointed mental health insults. I struggled with postpartum depression for months after our baby was born, and it is very fresh.

At this point, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being called psycho for expressing any emotional response. I try my hardest to let his insults roll off my back, but maybe that’s why it keeps happening? Maybe I should show him what psycho looks like instead of just crying at the kitchen sink.

WWYD?[/quote]

Well, I'd leave because I grew up in a home where no one ever did this. I'm maybe a little hyper sensitive to it, but it might just be the high self esteem of being a girl with a father who treats her mother right for 40+ years. I'm not being braggy, it was eye opening to me in my 20s that this is actually considered fairly normal and acceptable by a LARGE number of people. Its depressing. I had one longer term boyfriend who touched on this but yeah, I wouldn't cry at the kitchen sink. [b]I'd book a hotel within 10 min and disappear. Not with kids but like 200 lbs of dogs and accouterments. Just, packed and gone. No return date. [/b]

I will say though that if this is the precursor to domestic violence that may or may not be the way. I knew it was all bluster but dont know your dynamic. [/quote]

Before someone calls me out on this because I know they will, yes this is a privilege thing. I always made my own good money and that can solve a lot of "cool down" situations though it doesn’t change my opinion that yelling and curing at your supposed beloved is acceptable.[/quote]

NP and as someone who grew up in a household with domestic violence, I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal. It was just my life. I saw it at my cousin’s house too so I assumed it was the same in every family. My mom told me we couldn’t tell anyone so my assumption was that this was a conversation every parent had with their kid and that we were all just being on our best behavior around friends and acquaintance.

So now that I am in a situation that I’ve slowly realized is emotional and verbal abuse, I can understand why I didn’t recognize it for a long time. And maybe why I was vulnerable to allowing someone to treat me badly early in our relationship. I don’t blame a single woman for being in this situation because many of us were raised in it. I’m glad that there are people out there that can’t imagine not leaving immediately because that gives me hope- it means there are whole swaths of society that think men treating women like this is utterly unacceptable. I hope that you are in my community and at my kids’ school and our pool and their sports, because I know that when we leave it is going to be rough.[/quote]

Not PP but another PP who has never experienced this kind of abusive behavior. I'm really sorry for your experiences, and I truly hope you do have a community to assist you when you leave. I would if I knew you, for sure.

Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I've wondered about this recently since there have been multiple posts about people yelling/cursing at their significant others and the responses have been varied. Some people say it's not a big deal to curse at someone or they did something to deserve it. Those people I assume are mostly abusers themselves so they're trying to justify their behavior. But I also wonder if there is another group of responders who themselves have been abused and who therefore say it's not a big deal/downplay the severity of treating someone like this - if that's you is it because you want to believe that it is normal so that your life isn't abnormal? Is it a shame thing, like you want to somewhat defend the behavior, even though it may make you feel really bad when you're yelled at, because you don't want to believe that you're in a situation where someone is mistreating you and that that says something about you? (All it says, for the record, is what you wrote - that it's how you grew up. It emphatically does not say that you deserve it).

I'm asking because I truly hope that when people who have a history like yours see posts on here saying that it is not okay, under any circumstances, to yell/curse at your spouse, that you believe that there are lots of people out there who believe that and there are men out there who would never act like that. I know many of them, including my father and husband and brother. Women who think that behavior isn't acceptable would be your allies. Men who think that behavior is unacceptable would be your allies or your future partner. I just wish people who grew up with abuse being normalized would know that it's not ok and plenty of people feel that way and would never treat you like that. And, I hope you hear this - none of it is your fault. You don't deserve to be treated like that, ever. [/quote]

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