Reply to I'm not even sure what my question is, but I'm sure you all will have something to share. Wife overspending

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Reply to "I'm not even sure what my question is, but I'm sure you all will have something to share. Wife overspending"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have to say that this woman is me. I have driven my husband crazy with spending and it is hard to express why.  In a way it is my way of taking care of the family and also I do have adhd so I it is hard to change behavior. Pretty much impossible. I can do well for
Months but then I wind up running up another few thousand on credit cards just be breathing. 
I have to say a few things helped.
1) my husband fully taking charge of the finances — in a Non judgmental way. Really i hate being treated like a child and he doesn’t want to but seriously, i own this fault of
Mine. It is like a disability annd I suck at it  and have read the books and gone to therapy and  done the work - I can’t manage it and need him to take that over. I suck at it.

2) I need him to keep the bank balance and credit  limit low so it rejects me if I spend. This was hard for him to do but seriously I need it.

3) he needs to  keep some money separate where I can’t access it. If I see it I will spend it. 
 
4) anti anxiety meds to help me feel less panicky. When I feel like I need to buys something it is a panicky feeling that makes
Me do it. Like “my kid needs this camp. She will fail at life if I don’t sign her up”  or “we have to stock up at Costco, what if the apocalypse hits” or whatever.

Reading this makes me seem like a six year old but there you have it. It is a constant struggle. 
[/quote]

I was you. I see it now, but didn't see if for ages. And my DH is not a worrier, so he was fine with all my spending. Then we had a financial crash, then Covid happened, that shocked us both into sense. I am now the super strict person about money, and keep us on a tight budget. I don't use any sort of program (though I am addicted to financial calculators) I have a notebook and write down every thing we spend. DH keeps an excel spreadsheet, and we check each other. It has gotten to be a hobby. Making up for lost time due to so much spending, in order to have enough for retirement.

When I am feeling the need to spend, I run one of the calculators. I used to buy handbags and clothes and cars and and and. I haven't made a major purchase since Covid. And I feel less and less of the need to do it. I realize I've put my ADHD and OCD toward saving instead. [/quote]

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