Reply to Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Adoptive parent here.   I think OP is right in her concerns.  I never posted anything difficult about our kids, though there have been difficult times, and I don't think parents (whether through biology or adoption) should be publicly oversharing.  I do, however, get a little annoyed with the dramatic pendulum swing in the adoption world paradigms towards no gratitude towards adoptive parents.  I do not expect my children to feel grateful that we adopted them.  At all.  I do, however, feel like any good parents (either biological or adoptive) deserve some gratitude from a child who gets raised in a loving, supportive home.   I certainly feel that gratitude towards my own biological parents---who, while not perfect---were pretty darn great, supportive, and loving.  When adoptees are told over and over to focus on their grief and loss regarding their biological family, without any concomitant recognition of also having good parents (albeit ones through adoption), it diminishes the adoptive parents.  Anyone raised by a supportive loving family should be grateful for that family---far too many people never get that experience in any family situation.  [/quote]

ITA. My one kid is my child. They come first in everything. Bio or adopted there is no distinction. We begin and end every day just like any other family, including all the ups & downs. [/quote]

This, I don’t call my child adopted.  Nor do I refer to myself as such either.  Most kids aren’t grateful.  They joined our family per our choice.  Just like if we had given birth.  
[/quote]

Ah,but you didn't give birth. They joined your family "per your choice."

Here's something you probably need to consider.  Agree that you won't call your kid " adopted." Agree that you love them.  But- acting like it there was not an adoption, as if you gave birth to them,  is  part of the problem. They have a genealogical, medical, ethnic,  maybe racial entire history that is not yours. They have paperwork outlining their birth story, a birth date that may or may not be accurate, relatives including siblings that they don't know about and it is not your job to pretend none of that happened. [/quote]

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