Reply to Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?

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Reply to "Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Granted there will always be lazy people in the world, but the examples provided seem rare. Lots of times there’s way more going on behind the scenes. I was a SAHM. Now I work PT. My hat is off to every parent who works full-time with kids and has no outside help (aside from basic childcare). PT work with only 1 kid still at home is kicking my butt. If i quit my job tomorrow, I wouldn’t feel guilty. Sure occasionally I meet someone who is lazy and outsources but these are rare in my circles. Even my cousin’s wife who lives what appears to be a life of luxury has a lot to contribute to her children and marriage. My cousin doesn’t resent her in the least. He adores her. She’s a fabulous mom and human. She also has health issues which are invisible to outsiders.  When I was home, I loved it, but it wasn’t like I sat around. I never had anybody clean my house and had no nanny or even babysitters. It was just me 100% of the time. DH’s only household responsibilities were along gender lines - car, yard, fixing something. When young, DH never got up in the night for feedings, diaper changes or sick kids. He never attended a school meeting and only went to BTSN because the other dads showed up. He never attended a doctors visit. My kids had various therapies.  I did 100% of the grocery shopping, errand running, etc. I got the kids to after school and evening activities. He did volunteer coach for a while but I was the team manager. We had more kids than adults so I still did the schlepping to the majority of practices and games as our kids played on multiple teams and he had work or was tired. He was happy I was home because it made his life easier. When the kids were in school, I volunteered in the classroom, library, PTA and for scouts in multiple roles. My schedule did allow for me to do things like meet friends for lunch or go to the gym (not a fancy gym but $10/mo Planet Fitness). As my kids hit HS, I found my days more open but I was running my kids around late into the night and there are no weekends/holidays so I didn’t feel guilty for that quiet time. Without me at home freeing DH for work, his career wouldn’t be where it is. DH works hard and I am grateful he supported me but he only had to work a basic 8-9 hour day, 5 days a week so he came home and relaxed on the sofa while I cooked, clean and schlepped and then got to bed at a reasonable time. I did the math and my work hours were no shorter. Don’t meddle in other people’s relationships. Maybe these spouses are happy with the arrangements and things aren’t as easy for the SAHP as it appears. [/quote]

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