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[quote=Anonymous]My exH has mental health issues too; so I empathize with this dilemma. In this case it was symptoms consistent with borderline so there was a lot of emotional/verbal abuse, and I was still reluctant to end it. He is a capable parent though in the practical sense (somewhat) and our kids were 8 and 11 when we divorced. I felt much better also being separated from them at these ages because they could report on what’s happening. It’s not ideal but seeing him scream at me and living in a toxic environment was also not good. I am feeling much better now.

In your case, I would carve out as much space as you can, hire out everything, and see if you can manage your own mental health separately from him as if he is a roommate until the kids are a bit older. In the meantime, see a lawyer and document everything — including especially how much he travels and what time he actually is able to care for the kids. When you’re ready to separate you make a default parenting schedule that fits his work time as if it’s a favor to him. But this will become the default in a divorce. You want as much custody time as possible and if possible you want him to walk away. That will be infinitely easier than coparenting with a mentally ill person, which has its own issues.

I am dealing with the co parenting because the kids want to see him despite his volatile moods and he would have fought me for 50-50 and won. However I hope that when the kids get older we will see where they want to go. [/quote]

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