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[quote=Anonymous]I was married to someone who was diagnosed with bipolar during the marriage.  Kids were about 2 & 5 at diagnosis.  I ended our marriage because his bipolar behaviors were dangerous to my health and sanity.

I managed to maintain full custody on an informal basis.  I cheerfully allowed him into my house for dinners and one weekend day or went with him on the weekend day.  In truth, he knew that he could not manage the kids on his own, so as long as I didn't shame him about it, he would do what he felt he could safely with me or returning the kids in a short period.

It wasn't until the kids were about 5 and 8 that they began to spend more time alone with him.  The 8 year old was very reliable and often took care of her younger brother, who was also a pretty mature 5 year old.  ExDH still spent pretty limited time with them, often cancelling or bringing them home early or hanging out at my house for a few hours to watch TV with them when he really didn't feel capable of watching them himself.  It was disappointing to the kids, who I think sometimes felt unwanted, but it was better than being alone and neglected.

As the kids got older, they still had a relationship with him, and I was able to set harder boundaries for myself.  By the middle of high school, I no longer spent time with them, and after outburst when he bad-named me in front of the kids, I pretty much excluded him from my house and grey rocked him.  Yes, I think the underlying reason for the outburst was a fall irritable mania coming around to depression, but I had no more f&*cks to give.  He never went to therapy consistently and never took meds consistently.

Mental illness can involve abuse, and there is no obligation on family members to continue to expose themselves to abuse or neglect for the sake of maintaining some kind of illusory family relationship.

OP, you might find the NAMI Family to Family class helpful, or a NAMI support group. [/quote]

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