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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom lives with us and the care was killing me and putting strain on my family. I finally hired an agency for three times a week. Then it went to 5. As she grew more challenging in many ways and her fall risk increased, we went to full time.

It is VERY expensive and people don’t understand why we need it and don’t do it ourselves. With both of us working and kids, it was driving me into the ground. I have guilt when people try to shame me for this and the cost. But we pay all of her housing costs and keep her safe. People make us feel like we don’t deserve to live our lives and paint us as lazy or selfish.

That’s lovely on top of the strain and stress. May they never be in this position.
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You deserve to live your life as well, without 24/7 care of a parent.

We funded the $400K+ entry fee for my parents at a CCRC.  They didn't want to move near us (we are 3K miles away).  Their finances pay for the monthly fees, there is no increase if they need to go to advance care (memory, nursing, assisted living, etc) except for adding in 2 extra meals daily.  It's the best CCRC in the area, and my parents love it.  Still in independent living, but it comforts us knowing we don't have to drop everything and go 3K miles if something happens.  We are in our 50s, nearing retirement and love to travel.  We have the finances to do whatever we want and plan to travel while we can.  I dont' want to be in Europe or Asia on a trip and feel like I need to fly to them just to coordinate care.  This way it can all be done over the phone and I can visit 3-4 times per year.  We know they will get excellent care, when needed at an affordable rate (no more than they currently pay) and it will be a seamless transition.  Also, the other parent will be nearby and able to visit daily, as it's all walkable and inside to get from ind living to the Higher level care.  That is huge for mental health when one needs more care.

And I get to keep my sanity.  It's a win-win
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