Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not hire someone who works for hourly wage. Humans have been taking care of elderly without training for centuries. Anyone kind and helpful is good enough, doesn't have to be a certified expert.

That is an hourly wage. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You need 3 people.

Just some anecdotes here.

When we had CNAs 24/7 for my mom in home hospice, the agency sent us two people a day, to cover day and night shifts, something like 7am-7pm and then 7pm to 7am again. We interviewed several agencies and they all followed this pattern. It cost about $24k a month for seven months. This was five years ago.

A paraplegic friend hired a kind, helpful person for a few hours every morning to get her out of bed, dressed and into the wheelchair. And then again in the evening to reverse it all. It was a lot cheaper than going through an agency, which usually have 4-hour minimums. This arrangement lasted 10 years until cancer took her. But also my friend was totally with it and could self-advocate, which is not always the case for the elderly or people in hospice.

The latter is definitely an anecdote. Agencies require 4-hour minimum in order to attract labor. Most people working these jobs are ISO 40+ hours/week. They don’t want to spend 1 hour in travel for 1-2 hours of work. That’s the reality of the home care market.

It’s great that your friend was able to find that arrangement but it is more and more rare. We had this for my long deceased grandmother with this type of care provided by widows seeking to supplement their income. This was a rural area and not an uncommon practice at the time. Now my cousins say that such arrangements are nearly impossible.

Anonymous wrote:Yes and it was amazing how much my wealthy mother complained when I was too burned out to keep helping her for free. She thought what i did was worth nothing and she could hire someone for below minimum wage.

Residential is ideal from dealing with our inlaws. It keeps them social and happier and once thw adjustment phase was over we saw aging backward. At some point you may need to hire an aide too, but keep in mind even with 24-7 people in their home accidents happen and it takes a while for the person to realize if your elder wandered to another room and the aide is on the phone. You don't want to have to install cameras, but it's the only way you can easily prove if there is abuse. Do you really want to put a camera in the bathroom where falls are more likely?

People have this vision of neighbors and friends visiting, but many social friends will go to residential or move closer to family and if the elder is difficult, people stop visiting. They gave a right to enjoy their final years too and nobody wants to be cursed at and insulted.

Residential provides much needed socialization as well, even in "assisted living" or memory care. My parents are in a CCRC and still in independent living. But they both have a Pager they are required to wear on person all the time. This way if they fall/need something they push it, and someone can locate them anywhere on property and come to them within a few minutes (quicker if you are still in the buildings---they have a huge outdoor area with trails to walk on, gardens, etc and the pager will locate you out there as well). They have pulls in the shower and near the toilet in all bathrooms. So if you need help you can get it.

Yes and it was amazing how much my wealthy mother complained when I was too burned out to keep helping her for free. She thought what i did was worth nothing and she could hire someone for below minimum wage.

Residential is ideal from dealing with our inlaws. It keeps them social and happier and once thw adjustment phase was over we saw aging backward. At some point you may need to hire an aide too, but keep in mind even with 24-7 people in their home accidents happen and it takes a while for the person to realize if your elder wandered to another room and the aide is on the phone. You don't want to have to install cameras, but it's the only way you can easily prove if there is abuse. Do you really want to put a camera in the bathroom where falls are more likely?

People have this vision of neighbors and friends visiting, but many social friends will go to residential or move closer to family and if the elder is difficult, people stop visiting. They gave a right to enjoy their final years too and nobody wants to be cursed at and insulted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not hire someone who works for hourly wage. Humans have been taking care of elderly without training for centuries. Anyone kind and helpful is good enough, doesn't have to be a certified expert.

That is an hourly wage. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You need 3 people.

Just some anecdotes here.

When we had CNAs 24/7 for my mom in home hospice, the agency sent us two people a day, to cover day and night shifts, something like 7am-7pm and then 7pm to 7am again. We interviewed several agencies and they all followed this pattern. It cost about $24k a month for seven months. This was five years ago.

A paraplegic friend hired a kind, helpful person for a few hours every morning to get her out of bed, dressed and into the wheelchair. And then again in the evening to reverse it all. It was a lot cheaper than going through an agency, which usually have 4-hour minimums. This arrangement lasted 10 years until cancer took her. But also my friend was totally with it and could self-advocate, which is not always the case for the elderly or people in hospice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And they are two different things.

$28 per pound for Filet mignon!?
We pay $4.79 per pound for 20% fat ground beef.

You win for being rude.

But it's the fact. You are receiving very different levels of care, so you can't compare costs.

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And your parent is left alone for part of the day. There is not someone watching them every second of the day.
If you have the finances, and want to stay at home, this is what you do. I personally think most would be happier in an Assisted living home simply because of the socialization available.
I highly recommend (if you have that type of money) that you find a CCRC that your parents like and convince them to go to independent living while they are still all there/healthy. The activities and events for socializing, and meals are all socializing. Then it's not as hard for them to get moving to atsitedn living or nursing care when needed.

Anonymous wrote:I love reading how the top 5% live. So spending 300K a year is normal.

If you have the money, why wouldn't you spend it (your parents money or your own)?

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives with us and the care was killing me and putting strain on my family. I finally hired an agency for three times a week. Then it went to 5. As she grew more challenging in many ways and her fall risk increased, we went to full time.

It is VERY expensive and people don’t understand why we need it and don’t do it ourselves. With both of us working and kids, it was driving me into the ground. I have guilt when people try to shame me for this and the cost. But we pay all of her housing costs and keep her safe. People make us feel like we don’t deserve to live our lives and paint us as lazy or selfish.

That’s lovely on top of the strain and stress. May they never be in this position.

You deserve to live your life as well, without 24/7 care of a parent.

We funded the $400K+ entry fee for my parents at a CCRC. They didn't want to move near us (we are 3K miles away). Their finances pay for the monthly fees, there is no increase if they need to go to advance care (memory, nursing, assisted living, etc) except for adding in 2 extra meals daily. It's the best CCRC in the area, and my parents love it. Still in independent living, but it comforts us knowing we don't have to drop everything and go 3K miles if something happens. We are in our 50s, nearing retirement and love to travel. We have the finances to do whatever we want and plan to travel while we can. I dont' want to be in Europe or Asia on a trip and feel like I need to fly to them just to coordinate care. This way it can all be done over the phone and I can visit 3-4 times per year. We know they will get excellent care, when needed at an affordable rate (no more than they currently pay) and it will be a seamless transition. Also, the other parent will be nearby and able to visit daily, as it's all walkable and inside to get from ind living to the Higher level care. That is huge for mental health when one needs more care.

And I get to keep my sanity. It's a win-win

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parent requires FT companion care due to major fall risk and not being able to manage meds or drive. She has some memory issues, otherwise she is doing well for her age.

Full time agency help is amounting to around $6000 a week. How much would it be to hire an independent live in instead? Wheee would I go to find someone like that?

Can you move her into your home and care for her? If you make less than $24K a month, it would be cheaper to do it yourself.

No, don't do that! Why would you quit your job to do that? Also, you cannot easily provide round the clock care by yourself, you would easily burn out. Not to mention you likely have a family yourself and deserve to live life that is not being a 24/7 caregiver

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at the number of posters who seem to think that theft and abuse are unique to home aides. I’ve seen theft in institutions and homes, and abuse in institutions. Bad things can happen at home or in an institution.

But less likely to happen in an institution, where there is oversite. More eyes to watch and prevent it. Especially If you research the institution and their path over the years.

At home, you have round the clock care, and likely are not there that often yourself to witness what is happening

Anonymous wrote:Hi, Op here:

We tried several fall devices and she kept taking them off. The one time she fell with the device on, and it contacted someone, she told them she was fine. She didn’t want to “bother” anyone so she stayed on the floor until another relative came by.

Even though falls can still happen with someone there, they can remind her to use her walker and assess if she falls and determine if she needs medical care or just some help up.

We do pay hourly but it comes out to $6K a week. She definitely needs someone 24/hr with the meds, transportation, helping with drs appts, memory issues. She had an aunt that was a victim of elder abuse in a “home” and so she is terrified, absolutely terrified of assisted living/memory care. It literally gives her nightmares.

That’s the trade-off for remaining in her home. TBH, how do you expect to get by on less than $6000/week? That’s 3 caregivers working in shifts of 40 hours, then more to cover the weekends.

I know it’s hard to see your perceived money go up in smoke (into the pockets of the agency and caregivers), but it is what it is. Every time my MiL starts in on how she wants just one person, I ask her what will happen when that person calls in sick and does she really expect one person to do all the work she doesn’t want to do. Well, I’m not so harsh about the last part though she did give me such a hard time about having a nanny.