Reply to Did you ever feel taken advantage of by your elderly parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am currently in a situation where I take care of an elderly man, as his only daughter lives half the country away. It started out great and we became great friends. Or so I thought. It has reached a point lately where I spend my whole day and evening doing things for him instead of myself. And if it seems I have too much free time, then he will invent menial tasks. My wellbeing, mental health, rest and family life are non-existent in his thinking. It has now reached the point where I am going to pass off all responsibilities to someone else I find and leave him high and dry. I don't want hate or animosity in my heart so I must step away. He is used to me doing everything that he asks so this will hit him hard. He is going to be very upset, but honestly he should have thought about not taking me for granted at an earlier time. I could have been great for his end of life period, but now it's his loss [/quote]

I am so sorry. I hope this was a paid position. I know plenty of families and elders themselves think they can take advantage in paid positions too.

Sadly with age and brain deterioration you can not only deal with difficult behavior, but the empathy goes and they can become completely self-centered. People will try to guilt you with "You will be old someday too so you better..." The people I knew who did not set boundaries in extremely challenging situations that went on for years never reached that age. Some passed before the person they were helping, some within a few years after...even with the person in a facility, they felt too guilty to have boundaries around bad behavior and spread out the visits or work with the staff on med management. It's a balance and everyone needs to figure out their limits and not allow anyone to take advantage.[/quote]

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