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[quote=Anonymous]I host a lot.  Reciprocation has been minimal in DS14 friend group of several years that turned into genuine mom friendships that will continue even after ours kids leave. The boys have several overlapping connections between sports/clubs but not everyone is part of every club/sport.  Observations over several years….
Alex has a severely handicapped brother. Their family is too stressed to reciprocate. Mom always mentions she wants to, I always tell her we understand. And I do.  But she also complains that her child seems to be excluded from other friends’ events. Most of the stuff he hasn’t been “invited” to was impromptu things based on whatever club/sport we were just at with whatever assortment from the friend group. (example – sport he didn’t join – going out to eat after a competition). I’ve become the glue that keeps this family connected to the others, as his extracurriculars have not been aligning with the rest of the friend group and their family withdrew from activities due to some health issues- but are starting to rejoin things again.
Brady is from single parent family with a small apartment. Mom has never had anyone over to their house. But she will always invite others to their outings – usually something every few weeks, like going to an amusement park. This counts as reciprocation in my book. She also always hangs out when I’m doing a larger kid gathering at my house. I don’t need the help, but it is nice to have a friend to talk to. She also tries very hard to include everyone. Example: 3 of his friends were in an after-school club with my son. After the club weekly meeting, all three had to go to a religious class. We are not the same religion, so obviously not going to the religious class.  The mom would bring dinner (usually Panera) so the kids could eat something before going to the class. After seeing this a couple times, my son mentioned if she had any for him, and she started including him in her Panera order.  That was so thoughtful – and completely unnecessary – but it was a great way to include my son.  My son didn’t need to eat with them – but he felt a little excluded and it was nice for her to start including him. Even though she does not “host” – I think of her contribution/involvement to this friend group on the same level as mine. Things like carpooling, helping out, etc.
Connor comes from a big family, that is always running in different directions with their kids.  Scheduling nightmare for them. 
Devon’s mom has severe anxiety.
Evan comes from a large blended family. Not only running different directions, but going to different homes.
On one hand, I would like them to host / invite to whatever more often. But then I examine why I feel this way. I’m not overwhelmed hosting. My son wants his friends to come to our house.  I will keep hosting until my son stops asking for friends to come over. And yes, I love being “that house” where the teenagers gather.  I think them reciprocating would make me feel valued for my efforts – but that is my own internal need for validation, not an actual reason why they need to reciprocate. And most of them do “things” to assist me or others - carpooling, hostess gifts, etc.[/quote]

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