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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They have been visiting for nearly a week on account of my daughter’s high school graduation. They are both old — mid 80s — and in poor health. I feel terrible about this because they are not bad people, but I hate having them visit. I feel it is an intrusion on my space, I feel stuck, I resent them, and all I want is for them to leave and never come back (and I’ll make sure of it). This visit is a way for them to feel important and feel seen. But I feel used. I’m 54 and and I am finally seeing my parents for the very damaged people that they are. I see how they hurt me as a child by neglecting me emotionally. I think my dad is a kind of narcissist — everything has to be about him, he’ll do anything for attention and adulation. His relentless focus on himself and his insatiable desire to get his needs met deprived me of being heard and being seen as a child. My mom is rather pathetic, sitting there passively, waiting to be told what to do. She’s always been that way. She will not be around much longer. I feel like I should have some kind of meaningful conversation with her but I can’t fathom what to say. I have nothing to say. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to get the words out. We don’t have that kind of relationship.  I hate myself for feeling this way — couldn’t I be more compassionate at this stage in their lives, I keep telling myself — but the truth is that I don’t want to be. I’ve had it with them. They repulse me. This sucks but there you have it. Does anyone else feel this way? [/quote]

No. These are not normal or valid feelings. Please see a therapist to correct your thinking.[/quote]

OP, a therapist might help, but no decent therapist would ever say a feeling was “invalid,” nor would they attempt to “correct” your thinking.

A therapist could help you live more easily with what is, get yourself unstuck from unhealthy patterns, help you meet your own needs, and work with you to find some strategies (setting boundaries, working on emotional regulation, reframing experiences) so you could potentially have less strife in your relationships, including with your parents. [/quote]

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