Reply to Concerns about sister's behavior as a step-mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a similar experience. My sister was NEVER nasty or abusive to her boyfriend's daughter but she admitted that she did not like the child. Some details are different --the child was young (birth-2 yo), she was born from the boyfriend's cheating, and my sister ended up not marrying the child's father. The issue that IS similar is her negative feelings that she had for the child. My sister said she was reading books and talking to a counselor about it.

I wonder if your sister does know deep down inside that she doesn't like her step daughter. I would pull her aside after she is abusive and tell her what the step daughter looked like/was feeling. If you can get her to admit her negativity than you can tell her to get professional help. Ask her if she would let her child be treated like that by someone. [/quote]

OP here. Thanks for your comment. Your sister handled her situation much better than mine, obviously. My sister and I have indeed talked about her treatment of her step-daughter. The talks always go the same way: I point out my sister's harshness, or try to show her that the girl is just a child, and my sister launches into a huge lecture about how I have no idea what I am talking about, I have no idea what she (the daughter) is really like, that she's different when people aren't there, that she lies, etc.  And then she spends an hour or more giving me examples of the child's "badness" (and I have no idea how true any of the examples are). This all may be true, but I still maintain that the kid is just acting like a kid - but when I say that to my sister, she just argues harder. Then she will go for a few weeks without talking to me, and then slowly she'll begin to talk more and more to me (but she will avoid the topic of the daughter for weeks or months afterward). Then, after a few months have passed, she'll start complaining about the daughter again when we talk. My sister is a very, very convincing arguer.  She works in sales, and is an expert at "selling" her argument, twisting and modifying things, etc.  It is very, very hard to have a rational discussion with her about this issue. She will not admit wrong-doing, and she will wear the other person down with her relentless arguing, "proof," etc.  She is very good with words, and it is exhausting.

At the same time, she does a lot for the child, in terms of other forms of care-giving -- she has even done things that are so loving and thoughtful that it really surprises me. So, she's not all bad; I am NOT, however, trying to excuse her bad behaviors. I am just pointing out that the solutions are not easy and obvious to me, being here in this situation.[/quote]

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