Reply to Being given a direct who cries often but is very well liked in the office

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[quote=Anonymous]As a high performer who is/ was a crier, I can tell you:

1) I would have given anything to not be able to cry at work ever. I definitely didn’t do it intentionally or consciously manipulatively. 
2) I do think that people who hardly ever cry don’t really understand that feeling and that’s why they think it’s manipulative. Kinda like when people who’ve been skinny all their lives think that fat people should just eat less, it’s so simple. Uh, maybe for you…
3) I do think I cry when I actually want to yell or be angry, but I know I can’t do that at work either. 
4) I had tried everything. Pinching myself. Exercising hard. Drinking water. Saying “just ignore my tears”. Picturing people in underwear. Nothing worked.

You know what finally worked? A therapist for 8 months, weekly, who talked me through things, but also suggested I talk to my doctor about antidepressants. Those two things and I haven’t felt the need to cry at work since, and it’s been 5 years. Lexapro made a huge difference, and priced to me that it was partly chemical.

The therapist pointed out some things: 1) my feelings of frustration were valid, I should stop feeling ungrateful or denying them. Also, I was legitimately under supported at work. 
2) in my family of origin, we yell and scream a lot. She asked me to ask myself, “what is a healthy way to give constructive feedback in the workplace?”  That perspective really helped me look at role models and think about how to phrase things professionally.

Also, Covid really helped me realize everything could change tomorrow, and to not get too caught up it. [/quote]

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