Get a box of tissues and some candy, offer both. Tears happen. It’s a symptom that the person cares deeply about something. Figure out what that is.

I managed someone who cried repeatedly. I tried to be respectful, acknowledge that she was upset, and continue on through the conversation— like if we were discussing performance, goals, etc. important to note that her crying was related to work, not crying about something personal. Really, I think the best thing it empathetic but professional.
Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I have cried at work because I was in an extremely hostile work environment. When asked to speak about it, I cry because I have PTsd. Has the person cried in front of you? And why? Or did someone just tell you they cried a lot?

I cried once working in a member office on Capitol Hill. It was so, so toxic. I felt so ashamed for crying. I quit without anything else lined up after awhile.

I’m now at a company that pays me 10x what I was making and would tell me to take care of myself and take the time away that I need if I was to cry.

As a manager, if I had a crier, I would ask them to consider why they are crying, and if they are actually angry instead?

I would also asked if they have considered using the resources of your EAP program, if you have one.

I would tread lightly though, but ask them if this is something they want to work on. It can be tied to mental health and as such, HR gets really careful with documenting what is happening or what you suggest. If you fire someone who is actually suffering from depression or other ailments, that could come back to bite you.

As a high performer who is/ was a crier, I can tell you:

1) I would have given anything to not be able to cry at work ever. I definitely didn’t do it intentionally or consciously manipulatively.
2) I do think that people who hardly ever cry don’t really understand that feeling and that’s why they think it’s manipulative. Kinda like when people who’ve been skinny all their lives think that fat people should just eat less, it’s so simple. Uh, maybe for you…
3) I do think I cry when I actually want to yell or be angry, but I know I can’t do that at work either.
4) I had tried everything. Pinching myself. Exercising hard. Drinking water. Saying “just ignore my tears”. Picturing people in underwear. Nothing worked.

You know what finally worked? A therapist for 8 months, weekly, who talked me through things, but also suggested I talk to my doctor about antidepressants. Those two things and I haven’t felt the need to cry at work since, and it’s been 5 years. Lexapro made a huge difference, and priced to me that it was partly chemical.

The therapist pointed out some things: 1) my feelings of frustration were valid, I should stop feeling ungrateful or denying them. Also, I was legitimately under supported at work.
2) in my family of origin, we yell and scream a lot. She asked me to ask myself, “what is a healthy way to give constructive feedback in the workplace?” That perspective really helped me look at role models and think about how to phrase things professionally.

Also, Covid really helped me realize everything could change tomorrow, and to not get too caught up it.

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker like this and struggle with people who are that emotional. My mom has mental health issues and absolutely used crying as a manipulative tactic and so it is something I struggle with.

That said, the advice I got and seemed to work well for the years I managed her was just let her cry. I managed her the same as everyone else. I never gave criticism to anyone without also pointing out good things too. If she cries after a discussion about her needing to improve on something...ok so she cries. Id give her some time to regroup but then it was back to work. I didn't change what was expected of her and I didn't coddle her.

This is good advice, OP.

I had a coworker like this and struggle with people who are that emotional. My mom has mental health issues and absolutely used crying as a manipulative tactic and so it is something I struggle with.

That said, the advice I got and seemed to work well for the years I managed her was just let her cry. I managed her the same as everyone else. I never gave criticism to anyone without also pointing out good things too. If she cries after a discussion about her needing to improve on something...ok so she cries. Id give her some time to regroup but then it was back to work. I didn't change what was expected of her and I didn't coddle her.

Anonymous wrote:This person has been dumped on you. It's your turn to babysit.

Foisted!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crying? As an adult? Yeah, no. We will not cry at work. But, I have the emotional build of a snail so..... I do not think highly of people who cry at work and think they cry to get attention and get catered to. Seriously? Suck it up. And if it is a man, they need to take their testosterone.

This is why everyone hates you, by the way.

+1, you are so cold, lost all respect for you! Karma will get you, lol