Reply to Do I just let my kid quit and fail?

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Do I just let my kid quit and fail?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with everyone's comments on the academic stuff and concerns about bullying.

But I need to add something as a parent of an athlete who has made plenty of mistakes myself: you need to let tennis go. Saying you won't let him forfeit and DH yelled at him after a match that he won? This is crazy. You are putting so much pressure on him to be a tennis player. It doesn't matter how good he is. He does not want to be a tennis player and he is telling you so. Let it go. You are choosing his potential success at tennis over your relationship with him and his potential success at life. I know you just want the best for him, but you're setting up a situation where to him it feels like his standing in the family and your love for him is based on whether or not he succeeds at tennis.

He's intentionally pulling away from that and you're failing his test by showing that your love is indeed conditional based on his success at tennis. This is hard to do, but there are good resources online to help yourself separate from all that as a parent- I like Coach Rebecca from Complete Performance and Coach Bre. Both have some good articles to help you unwind where you are with a sport vs. where your kid is.[/quote]

I believe there are two weeks of tennis left. We are not planning to sign him up.

I asked about our summer and at this point, [b]he doesn’t want to do anything[/b]. He said he would like to take some friends to our beach house. [/quote]

You're not listening to him.

He told you exactly what he wants to do this summer:  bum around and chill with friends.  Which, at 13/14 is perfectly normal, acceptable and healthy[/quote]
I don't think it's that normal.  He sounds depressed.  I'd absolutely make the beach house with friends happen, but I'd also tell him to pick a sleep away camp and to go unplug for a few weeks.  Something about his current situation isn't feeling good and it's stressing you both out.  Suggest going to a camp and see what he says.  (It could be a sports camp or a nature camp or whatever topic he wants to try.)[/quote]

I disagree.  We've learned:

- he's behind on schoolwork
- forced to play sports he doesn't like
- dad yelled at him after a tennis match

Sounds like "I want to spend the summer chilling with my friends" is a pretty reasonable response to the stressors in his life.  Obviously he'll need to complete his school work.  But I think its ok for him to have a "de-stress/unplug" type of summer.

As a kid, I used to hate summer camp.  I much prefered my lazy days walking around the neighborhood, exploring the woods, builting stuff out of crap you find in basements & garages.

It sounds like this kid just needs downtime.  Away from sports.  Away from school.  And at home with no pressure[/quote]

I agree with downtime especially at this age.  I remember tween summers as being just empty and peaceful and perfect.  I did a couple of hours of sport a week and spent the rest of my time reading and talking with friends.  Literally nothing productive got done and it was great!  If you can’t promise to leave him alone at home offer him a very chill sleep away camp (if you can find one).[/quote]

Things are different now with screens and most kids are busy.  My summers were also like this but there were a ton of neighborhood kids around and we had nothing else to do but hang out with each other.

If you let a 13/14 year old with a phone sit around all summer with no parameters, it won't be this idyllic.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics