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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "Do I just let my kid quit and fail?"
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[quote=Anonymous]As previously suggested, chat with the counselor to get their perspective. A good counselor obtains feedback on the dynamics among the students and the teachers often have a sense of how things are going for students. After that, chat with the pediatrician. Limit the screentime if you see this as a contributor, listen without judgment (hard to do, I know) ie write down what he says and don't respond in the moment but come back to it when you and he are both calm, and ask what he has enjoyed about this year. The latter may help you get to what he might want to explore on his own. The social dynamics of middle school are a landmine. Being and maintaining popularity becomes prevalent in middle school, and kids are cruel to one another. When I stopped judging and listened as well as simply acknowledged when things sucked, seemed unfair, and/or likely hurt, I got a lot farther with my tween. Most important, I have seen my tween be able to deal more effectively with toxic personalities at school. Retreating may make some sense but being part of your family comes with expectations and responsibilities. Vacation, chores, and showing up for one another's big events are non-negotiable though. Reinforce that you expect your child to go to school, put forth effort, and learn. If they need help, you are there. As for vacations, involve him in the planning. Getting some buy-in on the front end sounds like it could be helpful. When middle school life starts spiraling for them, tweens and teens seek ways to exert control over parts of their lives and defiance also comes into play. I hope that getting more information from professionals, trying to hear his perspective a bit more, laying out the non-negotiables and having him outline what he does care about helps. [/quote]
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