Reply to How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you really need to step back and see the big picture. I started doing the same thing because it happens so gradually you just sort of get sucked in and all of sudden you realize your life is revolving around your parents instead of your spouse/partner and kids. After 4 months of going over every single day to my mother I was exhausted and cranky.

I went to the doctor and he realized my health had declined, my mood had declined, my blood pressure had never been elevated and it was higher, etc. He said he sees so many middle aged women who say they are just going to temporarily help their parents then a year goes by then its five years later and their physical and mental health has drastically deteriorated and no one ends up being happy - not even the elderly parents. He said just stop. Do whatever it takes to pull back and prioritize me, my spouse and kids.

So I did. You are missing out and ruining your relationship with your kids. You need to start thinking - your parents are a fall risk and have memory issues. So do millions of other seniors who live alone. Worst case scenario one parent falls and they call 911.

I had to learn how to lie, massively and unabashedly lie to my parents, siblings and elderly relatives in order to step back because once you are entrenched your siblings will become resentful when you pull back even though they haven't done anything to help.You end up looking worse when all you did was help out. So I invented I had Covid and took a break, then migraines, other health issues, busy at work/ work schedule changed, child care issues, issues with spouse, issues with home like need to be home due to plumbing issue, electrical issue, car trouble, etc. But in the end it worked. My mother had to start paying for help and a sibling has to manage that not me. [/quote]

Whoa, so your mom had no problem with this? She expected you to be her help to the detriment of your health. I'm so sorry. Hope that your mood and health have improved. [/quote]

No. That is totally the issue with elderly adults who start declining. I get they start with mild cognitive impairments and they become frightened and so many become incredibly selfish. How is it that OP's parents don't realizing how ridiculous it is that she or he is living with them instead of their partner and kids? How absurd that the parents think it is OK for their child to sacrifice immensely because they don't want a stranger to help them? Never in a million years would I wish that on my kids. My mother thought it was great that I was going over EVERY EVENING. She would complain that I still didn't spend enough time with her because some visits were 30 minutes or an hour instead of two or three. The straw that broke the camel's back was my cousin and aunt (my mother's sister) went to visit my mother. My cousin called me and told me that my mother complained to her sister, my cousin, and a friend that I was bossy and rushed all my visits. My cousin was so supportive and told me my mother would never be satisfied. And she is absolutely correct.

And thank you. Yes my health has improved, my relationship with my husband has improved and I am spending more time with my kids who are in high school. I realized I only had 2-4 years potentially left in my life to EVER live with them again. I don't want to miss out on that and their last memories of us as a family is me being angry and resentful. It has been 6 months since I pulled way back and I have lost 20 pounds. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics