Reply to So far I love being divorced

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "So far I love being divorced"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t understand why people have strong negative feelings about divorce. It’s not something anyone plans for. It’s one of those things you kind of have to live through to understand.

People who are well adjusted cope and move on. Happy people go back to being happy.

Married people can save their opinions. Some person here is discussed “downtrodden cheaters.” Reminds me of a pamphleteer in dowdy shoes… “Beware of the cheaters!”

—no one makes this part of their life plans. It’s okay to seek comfort and recovery stories. [/quote]

My parents divorced when I was a teen and it was traumatic for me. My mom didn't want the divorce, my dad left us. I seemed like the most selfish thing in the world. Even looking back, I don't see why they divorced. They didn't really fight in front of us kids. I would have been happier if they stayed together. And now I always have the drama of them getting upset over who I spend more time with (and they are in their 70's!). 
I can understand why people in toxic marriages get divorced, but it is hard on the kids and that is why I have negative feeling towards it. [/quote]

He likely was cheating.  People swear kids know—but my kids had absolutely zero idea their dad was and it was a very happy home life.  [/quote]

+1.  My kids also did not know about the cheating - which was extensive with multiple other women. He also had a porn problem, and a drinking and RX misuse problem.   I kicked him out when my kids were both under 5, because had we stayed together, they definitely would have found out.   ExDH grew up in a very dysfunctional family situation with an alcoholic, mentally ill parent, and I did not want my kids exposed to that chaos. I saw how much damage it did to my ex.

I don't think my kids have any clue to this day why we really got divorced.  I told no one expect my parents & siblings and a few friends, none of whom would ever tell.

Growing up and thinking that everyone would have been happier if the divorce hadn't happened is the same kind of delusionality that the cheater engages in - that kind of compartmentalization and presentation of the "good face".  Personally, it was mentally traumatic for me to stay with my ex - life was a series of enormous lies and gaslighting and it was very disorienting. My kids also were exposed to that growing up but since he never had any custody, they were far more sheltered from it than if we had all continued to live with him. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics