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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who is at the crossroads of divorce but too chicken to do it, this post is so encouraging.  The unknown of divorce is so daunting but this post gives me hope that so many are finding happiness in the aftermath.  [/quote]

Having recently been unceremoniously dumped after a long marriage, this post helps me, too.  I didn’t want the divorce, but am hoping for some sort of phoenix from the ashes situation once I glue myself back together.  Kintsugi or something.  [/quote]

OP here. I think the phoenix part is if you're willing to do the work on yourself. Therapy taught me to recognize abuse, narcissism, my own negative and limited beliefs about myself, and then being in control of my own life gave me the confidence I needed.

FWIW if I were to categorize my marriage it would be that I was a people-pleasing empath who gave up too much of my own career and freedom and my XH was a manipulative narcissist who figured out how to control me. I got out and it was scary but that's why I'm so happy now.[/quote]

I am married to a covert narcissist.  Too scared to leave as he has threatened to fight me on custody and I am afraid of the effects he will have on the kids. I am also worried I won’t be able to deal with not seeing them everyday and that he will continue his ways even when we are not in same house.  How are your kids doing if ex is a narcissist? Does he have 50-50 custody?[/quote]

I did this with success. Prepare for very expensive litigation over a year or two minimum. Real talk.

Stop being afraid. Question yourself. Are you really an incompetent child like he’s tricked you into believing? Really? Or is HE? He’s the one who probably can’t function without you running the show. He’s a joke.

Fear is the only power he has so take it away. Your fear is under your control and I’m sorry, not much else is or will be until after the divorce.

After the divorce your sun will rise again. In neon rainbow colors. It will be worth it. [/quote]

OP here. Yes it is scary. And yes we are going through litigation now and if he were fair I'd get more and because he's not I will likely get less. However, I already have opportunities for myself arising because I am not the "incompetent child" he told me I was and I have not burned bridges, which he is currently doing. He is trying to take everything, but I have the law on my side, and over a decade of history of being a loving, involved parent. Most of his social network as a parent is based on people liking my kids and liking me before we split. He has little street cred and everyone sees how ridiculous he is with his current midlife crisis going on.[/quote]

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