Reply to Sigh, I don't know what to do about DH's meanness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Male here.  
You say “you said some pretty nasty things to me and have an on again/zoff again nasty streak.  I don’t believe anyone especially me as your spouse deserves to be spoken to this way. You can not and I willl not let you speak to me or treat me like that.  With that being said is this something you are will to stop and address?”  
Let him respond.  If he starts going of on a tangent or making excuses.  Say “i have expressed my feelings and my question is, is this something you are will to address?”

If he says any form of no, you have your answer.

If he says yes, ask him how he plans to address it.  If he says he doesn’t know.  Say “why don’t you let me know by Thursday (2-3 day later ) what your plan is.  If you need help coming up with a plan why don’t we set aside some time tomorrow night to work on a plan.  But this discussion will only be about making a  plan not about what happened or anything else”.

If [/quote]

Oooh boy.I've tried this.  It's reasonable advice, but it's like escalating times a million to try to be rational.  Only gets meaner.  Try reasoning with a child in tantrum and then you have a better idea of what this is.[/quote]

Agree.

He never answers or responds to the actual, underlying question.

He’d rather have an hour long argument and mount personal attacks than answer basic questions. It’s like a drama performance.

He will ruin the whole relationship trying to avoid answering questions and protect his image and ego.

This is all way more than anxiety or depression, it’s nasty and psychotic. In some “episodes” he rewrites whole narratives of what happens (usually with him as the hero or victim), then denies saying it two minutes later. Delusional.

Keep a journal so you see the delusions, abuse and frequency.

Don’t engage, walk away. Even if that means leaving dinner half cooked or grabbing the kids and going to the library. 
[/quote]

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