Reply to I don’t really miss my life before kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids.  All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four.  But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

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Op here. I wrote this post after reading Fleishman is in trouble, with the character Libby pining for her life before kids and missing who she was before that. I just truly could not relate to what she was missing or why she was so unhappy, hence the post. [/quote]

I felt the same about Fleischman is in trouble. There’s definitely an idea in the cultural zeitgeist (for upper middle class women) that parenting is oppressive drudgery. I don’t doubt that some women experience that, and I think they should feel able to express those feelings. But I love my life as a parent. (But I’m also glad I got to experience relatively carefree young adulthood too.) [/quote]

I’m going to [b]blame gentle parenting[/b] for why parenting is oppressive drudgery. Redirecting and talking it out to a 2/3/4 year old is hard. Especially when you know that yelling would immediately work. [/quote]

I don’t think it’s gentle parenting but instead it’s hands on obsessive parenting. Parents used to be able to send their kids out to play all day. When neighborhood women got together the focus wasn’t kids. It was hanging out and the kids should play and stay out of their hair. Every single thing seems to now 100% revolve around kids if you have them. The notion of kids being seen but not heard is no longer acceptable. Only way you can get away from this is if you are wealthy enough to only associate with people with FT help.

The wildest thing to me is grown 40 year old women who spend their days playing with young kids. I recently met a woman at the playground who pretended to be a monster and chased her kid around the playground for a good 30 minutes. The child would order her around and announce the next game. It seemed like the mom worked for the child to provide entertainment. I realize this might sound nice but watching it all transpire in person made me realize we aren’t doing our kids any favors. We are teaching them we don’t have a life besides catering to their every need.

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