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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you have some good points but it’s not as black and white as you are implying. Yes, every parent is trying their best, but some strategies are just not as effective and every parent has blind spots. I would absolutely rather be alerted to my blind spot than continue to struggle. So, I could turn your same question around and say, why are some parents so insecure and defensive that they assume that feedback is an attack on their parenting?

The best athletes in the world have multiple coaches and specialists who critique their performance every day. Authors have editors. Etc. Nobody is nailing it just through sheer effort, we all benefit from a feedback loop.

I don’t think the ugliness or mean tones are justified but I also don’t believe that every single kid who acts out is simply hopeless and just a harder kid. I’ve seen parents in real life who unknowingly cause or worsen their kids issues, despite the best of intentions![/quote]

Actually, I think the point is that not all parents have to give equal effort. Compliant/easy children are very forgiving in terms of parenting styles and techniques. Most will work decently with these kids. The more difficult kids are extremely unforgiving of different parenting techniques. Parents have to find the exact right one and be disciplined enough to be consistent 100% of the time. It is just not the same level of effort. [/quote]

This. The problem on DCUM is that [b]people with easy kids who don't have to work very hard at it [/b]will respond to threads posted by parents who are genuinely struggling and who want feedback and advice, who know that what they are doing isn't working and would like a gut check or a different perspective.

But too often the offered perspective is "just do X" because that's what people with easy kids do and it works, and they don't understand that the OP in those threads not only has already tried that, but also probably 6 other things, and consulted their pediatrician and talked to the teacher and read three books on the subject.

Some kids are just hard.[/quote]

Who are these people? Pretty much every parent I know is working their a** off, even those with so-called “easy” kids. Parents of good, well behaved kids are probably working quite hard at it.[/quote]

I agree most parents are working hard, but if you are truly close with someone that has easier kids and you have a harder one or one with special needs over time you REALLY see the difference. I mean, with one of my friends it is like we are in different worlds. We talk daily so I know a lot about their days and know her kids really well. They both really fall into the want to please category of kids, which sure it may cause some things they have to work through in the future as teens or adults but from a parenting perspective BOY is it easier. I'm not saying parenting still doesn't require work. She still has to make them breakfast every morning, get them to school, think about camp sign up, deal with a tantrum here and there, it is still a lot! But I'm telling you it is absolutely not the same as doing all that PLUS a kid who needs extra support or who will fight you tooth and nail for most things.

I have one easy and one hard. My "easy" kid's tantrums were a hilarious walk in the park in comparison as a toddler. Its like tantrum, I'm upset, and then it is over. Yeah it is slightly unpleasant but with a few tools, the child responds and boom you're moving on. If you only have kids that tantrum like that you don't really realize what it is like to have a kid with special needs or in that strong willed category. WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL GAME.

Anyway, I completely agree with you op. [/quote]

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