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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People never think their child is easy (unless they have multiples and a hard one is among them). People think they are superior parents. [/quote]

Some people do have better temperaments to be parents. Are more informed, are better able to hold a boundary, are more patient, etc. Some have more time, or more energy or both. Just as not all kids are the same, not all parents are and some are really really terrible. Some are abusive and some are just plain lazy. [/quote]

Some parents are also better supported. They may actually have worse temperaments to be parents, but they have nearby family or plenty of money to outsource some of the toughest aspects of parenting. I have found that people who claim that parenting is easy or who responds to someone who is struggling with some aspect of parenting with condescension or superiority, often fall in this category.

The very best parents I know, the ones who have amazing temperaments for raising kids, who are incredibly patient, have energy for all of it, etc., would also be the FIRST people to tell you that parenting is hard, that sometimes it breaks you, and that no one, and I mean no one, does it perfectly all the time. I think this is actually a mark of a good parent because it demonstrates a bunch of personal skills that are so useful in parenting, like having self-compassion and empathy for others, recognizing the perfect is the enemy of the good, being able to be honest about hard truths, and having humility and self-awareness. All of that will help you be the best possible parent to a child, whether super easy or super tough. And it also generally makes you a better friend and support to other parents, even when they don't have the same skill set or may struggle more than you do.

Some parents are abusive (mine were!) but these are generally not the parents who are asking for advice on a parenting website or who are self-aware enough about what is happening in their homes to even be able to admit they are struggling. My observation is that often the parents who seem like they are struggling the most are often much better parents than they give themselves credit for. They are hard on themselves because they care so much, and because they really take the responsibility of raising children seriously. That's not laziness.[/quote]

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