Reply to Not sure how to feel about this (trigger warning)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your husband is capable of raping you, he is capable of harming and abusing your child. He is a violent abuser. He will harm you more, he will harm your child. Get out, get help. [/quote]

Listen, I agree that what he did was rape. But I don’t agree with your unhelpful hyperbole. This incident doesn’t make her husband more likely to abuse her children and you saying so just adds another layer of confusion, etc. to what OP is trying to process. OP, I’m very sorry for what happened. I can relate to your feelings of trying to determine if your feelings are valid and then figure out the correct action. Like there is a “right way” to handle this. There is no right way. Go to counseling and allow yourself to feel the way you feel. It is okay.[/quote]

DP, I disagree. A man who feels free to sexually assault his wife may think other laws and norms of decent behavior don't apply to him. Especially the kind of weak, self centered man who tries to hide behind "I was drunk and don't remember" as an excuse rather than taking responsibility.

OP, he may drink more than you know. Him getting loud, etc. reminds me of threads on here re: DH drank in secret so would seem more drunk than the "amount seen" warranted.

Drinking reduces inhibitions, a man who truly respected his wife and family would not have behaved that way.

Not a lot of great options for you, OP. Reach out to a sex assault or dv hotline for support and a therapist referral. Trauma can't be compartmentalized forever and it can really impact you and your kids in insidious ways if not processed. [/quote]

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