Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How’s your relationship with your DH otherwise, OP? I know you said that since baby three you haven’t been intimate much… but honestly that’s normal. How about in other areas? Is he a good and loving and supportive spouse generally?

Yes this is marital rape. And the quantity of alcohol certainly seems to have played a big role.

But the people saying to blow it all up and call the police? I don’t know. If he’s a good husband and dad and all- why don’t you just sit down and tell him how you feel? Tell him you’re pissed and that it felt like rape and you feel awful and you two need to go to therapy to fix things.

Rapists aren't good husbands.

OP, please go to the ER, make sure you talk to a nurse trained in sexual assault, get a rape kit done, and decide what to do from there.

Anonymous wrote:You gave birth two months ago and you already have had sex about 5 or 6 times? Do I remember my dr. telling me no sex for 6 weeks??? So I think you are doing your sexual "duty" (yuck) - don't make excuses for him feeling deprived or something. Like that is a contributing factor or something.

What he did was awful. If you guys are going to stay married, no more drinking. Obviously he cannot behave responsibly and rationally under the influence. Who does that to another person? Who does that to the mother of their children???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men seriously need therapy, counseling, coaching you name it before dating or getting married etc. I will make sure that my son knows about boundaries and indecent behaviors. When I started dating my now wife she was very annoying with me because I always asked her if anything I planned to do was okay, if anything I said was appropriate etc. I was just trying to protect myself and her as well. Many of us men don’t realize that the dynamics today are very different. I have saying that we are walking on eggshells when it comes to women, but in a way we are and for good reasons. Most men know that No means No even when it’s with your wife. But there are men out there who think it’s ok day because they shouldn’t be any boundaries with your wife.

your behavior is sick. get help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward

OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual.

You are a know nothing idiot. The law disagrees with you.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/marital-rape

Rape in a romantic relationship and marriage is considered intimate partner violence. This includes forced sex and sexual assault between spouses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward

OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual.

She said no, she pushed him away. Repeatedly. He overpowered her and proceeded to rape her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward

OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward

OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual.

Rape in a romantic relationship and marriage is considered intimate partner violence. This includes forced sex and sexual assault between spouses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward

OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is capable of raping you, he is capable of harming and abusing your child. He is a violent abuser. He will harm you more, he will harm your child. Get out, get help.

Listen, I agree that what he did was rape. But I don’t agree with your unhelpful hyperbole. This incident doesn’t make her husband more likely to abuse her children and you saying so just adds another layer of confusion, etc. to what OP is trying to process. OP, I’m very sorry for what happened. I can relate to your feelings of trying to determine if your feelings are valid and then figure out the correct action. Like there is a “right way” to handle this. There is no right way. Go to counseling and allow yourself to feel the way you feel. It is okay.

Anonymous wrote:<<trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion>>

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward