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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]&lt;&lt;trigger warning, discussion of marital sexual coercion&gt;&gt;

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m having a hard time processing, and don’t know what to do or how to move forward here. I’m 38F, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and married for 10. 3 kids; we just had our third 2 months ago. Our sex life has admittedly been lackluster since then - partially just because of exhaustion, on both of our parts…it’s not like he’s been trying regularly and I’ve been rejecting him over and over. We’ve had sex 5 or 6 times since I gave birth…all at his initiative, admittedly. I think he tried to initiate one other time, and I wasn’t feeling it but we did it the next morning. Honestly I currently have zero drive; I’m nursing and I’m sure that’s a big part of it. Also just very newly postpartum, body feels foreign and I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m stressed and touched out.
All the normal stuff. We’ve never been a SUPER high frequency sex couple either…generally 3-4 times/month, and that’s been the case since very early on in the relationship. I feel like I’m giving way too much background here; just trying to provide some context

Anyways. Last night we went out with my brother & his gf and my sister & her husband. We were all drinking; no one in excess but we all had 3-5 drinks over the course of the whole evening. I wasn’t monitoring, but find it likely that my husband and my sister’s husband were drinking doubles at least the second half of the night, so feasibly more like 8 drinks (over the course of 5-6 hours). My husband held it together most of the night, although by the end of the night when we were all hanging out and chatting it was definitely clear he was under the influence - nothing crazy, he wasn’t sloppy or belligerent…just talking too loudly/animatedly, repeating himself a bit, that kind of thing. He wasn’t (seemingly) much drunker than anyone else or anything. I’ll also note that he doesn’t drink a ton, neither do I - we do drink socially, but currently just have a LOT going on so I’d say both of us have a night where we have 1-2 drinks at home/after dinner once or occasionally twice a week, but beyond that I don’t remember the last time we went OUT and drank, if that makes sense. We’re not big drinkers, as in we just don’t really do it much these days.

So back to last night: by the time everyone parted ways it was pretty late; I went upstairs and got our baby to sleep and got into bed and fell asleep. I was woken up a little bit later by him, trying to pull my pants off. I had a moment of jarred confusion, kind of laughed and pushed him off, but he was super persistent. I told him hey I’m sorry but I’m truly exhausted; I’m really just NOT in the mood, I’m asleep. He persists, keeps trying to clumsily grope me and pull my pants off. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and gone along with it, but honestly I just couldn’t get there mentally…I don’t even think I could stay awake for 5 more minutes. I was just done, and fully asleep. He continued, trying to talk me into it, being really pushy (which is generally out of character) and aggressive. He kept pushing (both with his words and with his hands). I was so tired and eventually I just kind of…gave in. I was lying there saying no, I don’t want to, let’s do it later. The problem is, when I stopped resisting it he just went all in and did it. As I was lying in here telling him: hey stop I don’t want to, I'm sorry but I really don’t feel like doing this right now. I don’t want you to do that. He ignored me and did it anyways, while I just laid there wishing for it to be over so I could fall asleep.

Of course; he finished and then sleep was the last thing I could do. I just laid there feeling so upset and angry. Today I feel even worse…I feel disgust and hatred; I can’t believe he did that, and that I let him. I can’t reconcile being anywhere near him, my body literally feels physical repulsion towards him

What do I do? I’m trying not to overreact but I also think the fact that he just used me for his pleasure while I was so very clearly NOT into it (and was in fact actively telling him I didn’t want to do it) is really bothersome, and i’m having a hard time just shaking it off. We finally had a minute tonight, and when he asked why I was being weird he then claimed he didn’t remember what happened last night. I just feel so crappy and bleh, I don’t even know what to say or think. I wish I could just use logic to tell myself how to feel, but the fact is that I just feel upset at the mere thought of him right now, and I don’t know how to move forward 
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OP i understand your feelings but i dont think your husband raped you. That doesnt mean your feelings arent valid, but the crazies here on DCUM are giving bad advice as usual. [/quote]

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